xiaopei(:

#273

2012-02-06T10:26:00.001+08:00

im nervous, scared and idk WORRIED.
like what if things dont turn out fine.
what if i cant adapt.
what if i am not disciplined enough.
OH AND THE CLEANING OF TOILET.
i feel faint just thinking about it.
(starts convincing oneself that it is actually nothing much.)
should stop being such a worrywart.
im irritating myself.
i think im easily irritable lately.

but im excited as well.
i should think of the benefits.
like the independence.
the ability to live like a 20 or 21 yr old.
the privacy.
the life. hmmmmm

but no MN):
T.T
oh and i think im going to stop numbering my posts as the title. because i always have to check back on my blog to see what post it is. im irritated with that extra step.
yes i am that lazy.

IM DETERMINED TO CHANGE A NEW BLOGSKIN!

PS i think hebe's 还是要幸福 is super nice! i keep singing the last part to myself.
"你如果很幸福半夜的簡訊我就無需回覆
因為你的悲喜已經有了容身之處我也能有最純粹的孤獨"

i like this part alot. idk why haha

2012-01-29T18:09:00.002+08:00

go on, tell me im not superwoman but act as if i am. because doing the opposite of what you say is what you are good at.

#272

2012-01-23T03:09:00.001+08:00

its CNY again!!!
and we aren't celebrating again....
ah well, we'll just have fun eating.

after this hectic week, i am not really looking forward to my less hectic but still hectic week. i'm not celebrating CNY but why do i feel so tired huh.
and i think i have this getting old syndrome again. cos i feel so much older.
i would like to think its the lack of sleep tyvm.

AND I DIDNT TAKE PHOTOS OF THE PRESENTS I MADE FOR MY FRIENDS ):
god i am so very sad.
i felt so in my own world doing it. it was kinda tiring but i still enjoyed making it.
so thankful for those who came.
when they were gonna leave, i suddenly felt so sad. like i was going to cry. really going to miss this whole bunch of friends when i am over in aussie. looking back, i really dont know how i managed to rush out the presents. cos i could only do it at night till 4AM cos that's my max. have to wake up at 8.
and my progress was really slow.
"guess i work on pressure"
3 books for the haslinda, huda and joyce
a recipe book for zhengyao
7 books for ashley, LY, michelle, sweemun, wenyi, yijun, yoketeng
i wont forget the binding of the books, finding the background for each person, the physical torture of taking the pin and poking 4 holes to get the accurate positioning of the notebook cover so that the notebook will look like it wasn't handmade, the cutting of the holes out individually thereafter, the cutting of paper, the typing of recipes, the trial and errors of the sizing, the headache from the designing, the careful cutting of the cardboard so i will be able to fold the paper without breaking it into 2. funny as it is, it is what i will miss doing. i can't remember the last time i actually did something using my own hands for my friends.

on to another part of me.
i can't face the fact that i am actually turning 21 this year. nothing about me feels 21. i'm still the same. nothing much seemed to change. well technically alot of things happened and changes were made along the way, but i still feel me. that same easily hurt me. soon i'll be out of this sheltered life and out to face the world on my own. I never really felt like i had someone there for me so i don't really know how it would feel like when reality sets in. its coming though, pretty soon. ):

#271

2012-01-15T10:19:00.002+08:00

been long since i actually managed to sit down and really start typing my thoughts.
i can't believe that i am really taking off in less than a month.
it still feels like a dream to me.
i still keep feeling that something will happen and i won't be able to make it there.
i have tons of random thoughts going through my head (negative ones in fact)
its like a mixture of trepidation and hope.
and these are two very ironic emotions.

i still have so much preparation work not done.
i am STILL stuck with the IDK WHAT TO PACK thing.
i still have the presents not done yet. well i started on it but progress is so slow i feel like killing myself.
i finally booked the bbq pit after a week -.- (never in my life have i gone through so many people and calls and trips to book a pit.)

i die a little inside when someone from my closer groups tells me they are coming only to send me a msg telling me they aren't coming cos smth cropped up in the end.
but i told myself the upside is "one lesser present to make".
i think it's really mean and i might hate myself for that, but if they can't come for whatever logical reasons, my hands can't work for whatever illogical reasons.
fine, i'm disappointed and upset and angry and i'm throwing a tantrum.
LET ME THROW THE TANTRUM THOUGH.

mom had a minor stroke a week back. and then she keeps having emotional outbursts throughout the week till i am truly going crazy. she comments on every single thing that i do, well almost that is. she starts droning the moment i am awake and seriously i can't stand people talking to me when i am half awake because i will get a really throbbing headache and i will snap at people.

and i am not working this week. i feel so sian because that means i wont see MBIM. ahh the only little happiness i derive out of my boring life. but then again i might see mbim nearby since we stay so near. -.- but im pretty much cooped up at home this week. but i will die if i have to stay cooped up at home. SO I WILL FIND TIME TO STEP OUT. (to get things done of course. hahahaha)

i know i am starting to be a little illogical.

PS i think Say you like me by We The Kings very nice hahahaha

2012-01-11T08:59:00.000+08:00

Lately i keep getting nightmares.
and the worse part of the nightmares is that i can't get out of the nightmares.
sucks because its like i know im dreaming but i continue in the dream and can't snap out of it.
it is so irritating cos i dream of the things that scare me.
like a gigantic cockroach running after me playing laser tag with me. -.-
i have never played laser tag my whole life btw.
imagination is so scary.

aiyoooo, my dog starting to stink again. :(

and i haven't started packing much. sucks. idk what the hell do i pack and what to do. sighssss.

2012-01-07T16:47:00.001+08:00

i wonder if i will ever be normal. what does normal even mean?

#270

2012-01-04T17:40:00.002+08:00

ITS 2012!!
i should be posting those special things that i achieved in 2011 but honestly, i can hardly recall...
of course the most major thing that happened in my life in 2011 is the fact that i got my driving license.
HAH GOT EVERYONE THERE RIGHT?
kept it a secret for about half a year.
i can't imagine how on earth i passed. how on earth i actually got into the car for the first time is another mystery to me. the greatest mystery of all: how i continued on. This is coming from me, the one who came up with my very own theory of not trying for a license: panic attack when i hear a horn resulting in me accelerating and banging into the car in front of me. but driving is really fun. the learning is fun.

spent Christmas countdown with CJ people and a lot of people idk. Omo they were crazy. but i was filled with quite a lot of emotions, because one year ago, 25 December was the day my grandpa was cremated. Putting it this way, I still look back and miss him. I miss how he asked me how much I have saved up from working and if he could borrow money from me if he needed it, and how he laughed when I told him yes. I miss his laughter. I miss how he held onto my hand when we went out for family dinners. I miss walking slowly with him to the dinner table, sitting beside him or grandma so that i could pass them food when it came. I miss a lot of things, but i miss his laughter the most, because that was something that he seldom showed. And i'm sorry that everything could not end well, I'm sorry that he hurt so much during his dying days. I think i should stop before i start a waterfall.

Sometimes the promises we made just can't seem to be kept.

countdown with madgirls91 at orchard. we were more afraid of the sprays than anything else and we ended back at centrepoint macdonalds straight after the countdown. homed and i basically spent my new year at home sleeping for a good part of the day. and i haven't been watching running man for quite a few weeks alrd. didn't even download. i am so annoyed!
HAVE TO STOP WORKING AHHHHH.

oh and i really realize this thing about me: the people i start to notice are actually around me, i just never seen them before because i walked with my eyes on the ground. at least EC, MWS and MBIM was the case. hah me and my abbreviations.

and i also notice i hate eye contact with people that i'm not familiar with. shucks i dont know when did this start but i get very afraid of eye contact when i'm not shou, and then when people im not shou with talk to me i feel so rude cos i dont look into their eyes. its like i am afraid they will find out something if i look them in the eye. shit myself man, i cannot change my mindset and i dont want to appear rude!

please let me be in peace at least till i leave for Melbourne in about a month.
my heart pounded so much when i was asking about it all.
how much was known and how should i go about revealing it all?
would i eventually be the one who snaps that thread that we are treading on so carefully?
how much more hurt would i be able to hold on to?
what about damage control? what if something happens and i am not able to bring circumstances around? what ifs are the bane of my life.
it just pains me when we have came to this state, just because we don't care enough to make it all better.

and i am openly declaring i love robinsons for one reason. (:

yeah i'm a sucker who believes in fate.

i'm not talking about the little coincidence here though. HAHA

#268

2011-12-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

im so contented sitting in front of my computer today trying to listen to avril's new songs! :D
(hey i did spend a good part of the day with my sis at some random salon okay. it made me tired and grumpy.)

So many things I should've,Said when I had the chance,So many times we took it all for granted.

i haven bathed my dog yet. damn. she really needs her bath because she stinks.
hectic work ahead!
$$ (yes i'm so money faced)

#267

2011-12-14T20:41:00.001+08:00

woots!
im taking a one week break (sorta) from work.

and im going for this treetops walk with LY and maybe yoketeng tmr! :D
happpppppyy. never been to a trekking/hiking trip before.
honestly i dont know what the hell i have been doing lately.
everyday im not free but idk what the heck i do now that i think back.

caught apple of my eye a while back and rather than noticing the romance part of the show, i am more attracted to the fact that "人生本來就很多事是徒勞無功的啊."

I think I am really void of feelings and emotions bloody hell. It was touching, but not to the extent that i will cry. i even watched this show twice cos another group of friends wanted to watch after i watched it! But come to think of it, my school life didn't include any shen jia yi sooooooo. makes sense what right.

And when i meet up with my friends, they say the same thing to me. "LONG TIME NO SEE!" i feel like a no lifer!

met up with has, huda and joyce and we are gonna meet up soon for "new year's eve!" excited. we always talk about rubbish but still have so much fun. the weirdest part about our friendship is we can all disappear suddenly and call for a meet up randomly.
celebrated LY's and Michelle's birthday recently and been meeting the girls quite alot lately.
MET ASHLEY FOR STUDY SESSION (i know, study what shit right i have been bumming for one year.) i need motivation to study korean. at home i cant do it, when i work i cant do it. im progressing so slowly i want to murder myself.

OH DID I MENTION I WENT TO QUEUE FOR THIS IPOD THING FOR MY MOM FOR LIKE 3 OVER HOURS? omo. life was pretty hectic the past week cos of work and meetups. december has so far been nice to me. let this year end on a better note please. i think i cannot stand any more drama. but i'm just going to take what i am given at this point of time and not ask for too much.

i have so many things that i need to do but i dont feel like using my brain today. but i do know i got to get started. damn im such a procrastinator. slap me! and i know random but i want to head over to IKEA one day :D

im off! "EXCITED FOR TMR."

#266

2011-11-19T12:24:00.001+08:00

With every bit of little fame i have (yes i am under the delusion that i have a bit of fame), i have decided to give whatever minutes of fame i have in my hands to this guy i met on the train yesterday. *inserts squeals here*
How romantic.

He was a really... (sorry to burst my own bubble even) rude guy.
i mean seriously, which guy can be SO crude in such a public place.
It was a train carriage of idk maybe at least 20 cabins and of the so many cabins, i HAD to meet him.
there were so many doors and he had to step through that door that i went through.
At around 11pm on a friday night, the train was relatively full.
Yes it would make sense for people to move in while they should.
Yes you do have the right to ask people to move in.
Yes it is doing the whole society a big help for voicing out your concerns on people not moving their asses to the middle of the train.

BUT
NO its not alright to shout really loudly in the train and hurl abusive language after that.
NO it isn't alright to push people (rudely i might add) to make your way through wherever you want to go.
NO it isn't alright to glare at your friend when she was hinting that you were going too far (which you definitely were, in terms of your words, not your movement to the middle of the train)

and you know what was the biggest NO-NO? you shouldn't make that move to go towards the middle of the train half-heartedly. Go on, asshole, move on straight to the middle of the train like you said people should, instead of pushing your way past people only to stand like. behind me. That means what? I was standing in front of the second person on the train seat. That is fyi not the middle of the train.
SEE, another basketcase who does not practise what he preaches.

I was really mad at him saying the cb word in public so freely. I mean, does he even know the meaning of the word? Or he doesn't mind girls scolding lj. who am i kidding, he probably uses that word as freely as the word cb. It really speaks very negatively of a person who uses such words in the public. Couldn't you be more civilised? Why are you so mad anyway? That's the way it is to take trains in SG, cope with it dude. If you want to do something about it then go ahead, but do it nicely. Things would be so different if you actually asked people to move in nicely. People would look up to you.

That's just how it is. I would even feel embarrassed because i was not right smack in the middle of the train. But all i felt was anger and distaste towards him after his little dramatic fiasco. There were all sorts of people in the train, those who had a long day at work, those going out to have fun, those going home after having a night out with friends. They don't have to deal with your little uproar about not moving in the train. Well, they should move in and they might have not, because of whatever reasons they might have. But you didn't have to spoil their whole night.

You spoilt mine.

I hope you were embarrassed. I would be embarrassed at myself. bursting out all of the sudden and having a whole lot of people stare at me, and having the person in front of me cursing me silently while really holding her tongue because she really wanted to start off with her long lecture on how you should go take up some language lessons so that they aren't so colorful.

WHY OH WHY. WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE YOU EXIST TO MAKE ME DISLIKE YOU?

PS i dont actually remember his face anymore. but i'm upset with his really rude outburst after a few hours shift of work (where some customers were seriously mean) - yeah, all anger directed towards him as a result.

#265

2011-11-16T22:26:00.001+08:00

if i didn't go for the run today, i guess i really won't know how much pent up energy i have within me. even after sprinting during the 3km run didnt make me feel tired. i just wanted to keep going on and on. i didn't run all the way though, plenty of walking jogging and running plus sprinting throughout the whole journey.
oh i miss the days where i could just run on and on without stopping.

"gotta start training up my stamina again."
i really have to burn away the excess energy within me.
or i really dont know where i will transfer the excess energy to...
(probably a bad temper) - which i am pretty sure won't be nice.

i am WAITING for the next running man episode to be uploaded. gosh i can't wait any longer!!!
practically revolving around this show.
okay im exaggerating.
but it's really damn funny.
Korean variety shows are so dramatic because each of the person has a role to play in the variety show.
AND THEY PLAY IT SO REAL AND WELL.
"initially i thought they were gonna come into singapore but it turns out that it was just a rumour."
Soooooooooo sad.
but a sparkle of hope remains because "a news said that they MIGHT come to SG! :D"

currently watching 败犬女王.
it is super funny and sad i cried a few times.
i dont really want to comment on the acting overall
but ethan is seriously awesome.
handsome plus good acting skills.
im willing to look past any other lousy acting.
LOL.
okay jokes.
i think this show is what a lot of people can relate to these days.
fighting to be first for everything, only to realize at the end that you actually have nothing.
(his friend in the show has EXTREMELY small eyes but somehow i think he is cute :D)

#264

2011-11-14T23:19:00.001+08:00

i'm getting a little affected by Running Man.
Oh who am i kidding. I'm SUPER affected.
i get the really cute bubbly feeling bubbling inside me when i laugh while watching the show.
ah well, the only thing that paces my life slower.

i'm gonna go into hibernation mode and withdraw contacts for a month at least. (starting from today)

2011-11-08T19:06:00.003+08:00

day three of my injury.
it doesn't seem to be healing. (if it is, it is healing REALLY slowly.)
sian. lost so much blood and plasma.
I really think i am super pitiful.
Funniest thing is it doesn't seem to hurt.

idk what im talking about i'm rambling again.
really moodless lately.
):

#263

2011-11-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

im back for good this time.
i miss blogging so much.

met up with hannah on tuesday and we headed over to Bugis and popped by the temple at waterloo street.
FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, i went to try to qiu qian. (:
so very interesting! ^^

#262

2011-11-07T23:23:00.000+08:00

i'm so upset about the irresponsible cyclists at east coast park. okay i gather that it is relatively crowded on sunday afternoons, but i think people should keep on their lanes?

i barely scraped through one hour of cycling unscathed. well, that was before someone decided to turn to look at his kid instead of in front of him, thus leading to a crash between the two of us.

SERIOUSLY? Dude, look in front while you are cycling instead of looking at your kid on your side! if you are so darn worried about your kid, get your jogging gear and jog by his side instead. at least when you crash into someone it wouldn't hurt so much.

i was supposed to have fun and enjoy a little bit of time with myself but you spoilt it all. well, technically you didn't spoil it all, you were the trigger.

i think the government should really make it necessary for all cyclists to have to obtain a license before they are allowed to cycle anywhere, even at home. because seriously, they are a danger when they recklessly cycle.

1. They don't know how to cycle in their lanes. they have 3 lanes you know. two for cycling and roller blading (to and fro), one for jogging and walking. and yet you see people jogging on cycling tracks, and cyclists cycling on jogging tracks. i really tried resisting rolling my eyes but i couldn't take it towards the end. "i think i got even more frustrated than happy cycling on a sunday afternoon."

2. Overtaking is okay, but make sure it's done safely. How on earth can you just overtake without looking at your back to see that there is no one behind you going faster?!

3. Don't start or stop abruptly. i almost banged into quite a number of people because of that. thank god my hand was constantly on the brake bar, seriously.

4. LOOK IN FRONT. that guy who banged into me was "I SWEAR" looking for his kid for at least 5 seconds. even if he didn't drive, i bet he knows the basic rule of never looking away from your front.
i tried my best to steer away from him, and i slowed down. pity he didn't and was actually going damn hell of the fast. Instead of saying sorry the whole family started asking me if i was okay. HELL, let me bang into you and have your knee bleeding profusely and i ask you that question alright?!

ended up with me having to endure with a whole lot of stares on my way home. which made me more pissed than i already am, because it was seriously annoying. i didn't want parents telling their kids that cycling recklessly was going to make them end up like me. I KNOW IM PARANOID. but i'm seriously sure i would tell my kid that. heck, people would think it's your fault what. you're the injured.

and if things CANNOT get worse, the bus driver of the bus that i got onto was a bad driver. he striked the kerb when he was going at lower than 20km per hour. comeon, drivers know how slow that is; a cyclist can be faster than him. to top it off, he horned a car incessantly so that he could get in the lane that he wanted. *speechless* his driving is probably worse than mine.

and then my mom had to call me and related a little drama over her end and asked me to be a messanger again. *rolls eyes* and asked me to buy food home for bro. *double roll-eyes*

im hell of the upset because i got injured and fell off my bike for the first time ever, and it wasn't even my fault. damn this basket, seriously. ANGRY. ):<

okay im done ranting. off to eat tauhuay that my sis bought for me (:

#261

2011-11-06T01:07:00.002+08:00

time can be a real bitch at times.
i can't remember how long has it been since the start of myself trying to balance every single thing that plops down in front of me in my life.

meeting up with friends is a really tough thing for me, because i need so much time with myself but i am so caught up with my daily need-to-dos that i don't even have much time for myself.
every week i'm telling myself to keep some time off for myself, but something comes up almost every time and i'm off scrambling doing something which i don't exactly want to do but feel compelled to do.
it's just always me succumbing to the responsibilities.
and when i actually really get to spend like a while off the responsibilities and do the things a 20-year old would do, i feel almost guilty when i face back to reality, or when some email comes into my inbox.
i almost dont even want to look into the mail; just feel like deleting it all off.
there's just so much a person can take, and i think i'm nearing the brim. i would like to throw someone in my circumstances and see how long they would hold out before they throw in the towel. damn it i really do.

the lack of time is precisely why i hate people cancelling out on me, and i really cannot stand it when they do it anymore. i know i used to just suck it up and take it all in, but let's just put it this way, people change. i'm sick of that nonsense and what i have to face after that timing is now BLANK. because i blanked that timing out just for you, and when you back out in the last moment, it leaves me left with one thing to do; get back to the reality and do what i should be doing. and boy, it sucks big time, especially when i was looking forward to it because it is one of my favorite activity/what i missed doing/both. and then i am back to all that i knew you couldn't be trusted kind of thing, and that kind of i'm not going to want to hang out with you every again would pop into my head.

and i'm past caring if i am being demanding or unreasonable because dude, seriously? you don't cancel out on and and go on with that pushing the blame to me kinda thing. it just gets on my nerves increasingly and i just want to slap you awake. you were the one who cancelled. you jolly well take responsibility for your own bloody actions or my reaction is my hand on your face, and i'm telling you that seriously, you wont want that. i utterly hate that because of people like you, i now already plan back up plans, and honestly, those backup plans end up sounding so much better than the outing itself i wish i went for the back up plan instead. at least i don't get disappointed with it because my backup plans don't fail; you don't fail when you plan something with yourself.

i hate you people who make me feel small. and i'm not even sorry if i leave you behind. oh, and i'm seriously past caring about the fact of anyone from my past possibly hating on me. hate me all you want, just do it openly so we don't have to feel awkwardness. i can just get past that stage and ignore your presence when i see you in the streets.

2011-10-05T19:57:00.000+08:00

i'm here to blog about my sickening day yesterday.
I'm summing it up in a statement.
"IT WAS HORRIBLE."
Well, i mean it is horrible enough that i have to do tons of housework everyday.
*i'll never stop grumbling about housework piled on me*

I HAVE TO MEET A COCKROACH HEAD ON.
well i mean it was in a container. i used my left hand to lift up this packet of thing which i wanted to throw away. AND THEN I SAW THAT CREATURE.

seriously, why dinosaurs die but the goddamn cockroaches aren't dead yet?
WHY DO THEY APPEAR TO FREAK ME OUT WHEN IM ALREADY SO TIRED):
i hate them!

AND THE BATTLE BETWEEN ME AND IT STARTED.
okay im really cruel. i was bent on killing it but i was terribly afraid of it.
i started looking for the insecticide but i couldn't find it anywhere. it just so happened that my mom came home and was at grandma's place. so i went over to see if she kept it somewhere else.
and so i asked her where it went to, guess what she said.
YES THAT HEARTLESS WOMAN TOLD ME "if its not under the sink means dont have"
*drop jaw in disbelief.*
i've been doing housework the whole of that day since i came home and this was what i got. a lone battle with the almighty cockroach which has a life that is super long.
note: by now i was terribly desperate, so i went back to check once again and affirmed that the big house is filled with plastic bags, boxes, (ACTUALLY REALLY EVERYTHING) but no insecticide.
i rushed to grandma house to get her insecticide and went home. each time i walked past that container which the cockroach resided in i looked in to check that its feelers is still there. i mean seriously, i didnt want to see it again in my ROOM or smth. IT HAD TO DIE.
im sorry cockroach but u have to die!
okay and then i moved a few items that i can (as many as i could actually) to one side so that not much things will be sprayed with that thing.
I EVEN MOVED THE FOOD OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
but the cockroach is still there. OMG RIGHT.
dont even sense its coming danger.
i know i sound ridiculous but seriously, i was apologizing while spraying that insecticide.
"YES I SPRAY IT MACHIAM LIKE ITS FREE"
but technically it is free cos its not mine...
and then it crawled up the box... and onto the food cover! i didnt dare to look.
and when i did, i screamed.
yeah it was dead but it was not on the food cover it was on the table top.
EWW GROSS.
and then i went to wash up the things at the sink (since it was dead)
AND THEN THE FOOD COVER DROP JUST WHEN I TURNED.
yeah. i screamed again.
WHAT.
i mean, what if it flew cos it got hit by the container then it hit the box and come hit me.
okay i know im far but WHAT IF RIGHT.
what ifs can kill me.
my imagination can kill me too.
goodness.

and then i went to my room to cry.
my hand was like trembling so it caused me to have to tickly feeling.
and i ended up laughing while crying.

IT WAS A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE.
):

and its not the only bad experience man.
when i was changing the damn light bulb i was faced with so many obstacles.
the light bulb was right below many many boxes of tools and yada ya da.
IT WAS FREAKY DUSTY TOO.
and then when i finally got it,
i had to put things back before i could get out of that hole.
then when i went to screw back the bulb, i dropped the screwdriver...
so it was like hanging in mid air while i was trying to support it with one hand.
and i had a hard time trying to balance the super heavy lightbulb cover on one screw that has been a little tightened but is still loose and yet i cant unscrew it. then i climbed back up to screw it and thanked myself for having replaced a super idiotic light. TSK

AT THE END OF THIS WHOLE FIASCO I WAS PERSPIRING LIKE MAD. GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME.

2011-10-03T21:45:00.001+08:00

Oh yeah i know i disappeared for awhile again.
Here's a nice post to share!

Pencil: you know, i'm really sorry.
Eraser: Sorry for what? you didn't do anything wrong!
Pencil: Well, everytime when i make a mistake, you will be there to erase my mistake. But, as time pass by, part of you are gone.
Eraser: You see, i'm made to this. Even though i know one of this days i'll be gone, and you have to replace me with another, i'm still happy to do this job. So don't be sad, it worries me (:
This is how true friends are supposed to be like.

#260

2011-09-26T00:46:00.000+08:00

All of us are racing against time. We are always chasing after what we want most within the shortest time frame. Thing is, are what we are chasing for forever worth our efforts? At the end of the day, do we sit down, take a reflection and feel accomplished?
Because if what I, for instance, is chasing for is worth everything, why do i feel more tired than accomplished and happy at the end of the day?
Have we all gotten our priorities wrong while fighting after our material wants?

What have all of us been doing to ourselves; fighting for things that would be due for the trash can in a few years down the road? Slaves to material goods.

Phones are the most typical example. when we were just toddlers, a toy telephone that would play out cute sounds at each button pressed could make our day. Then we wanted a phone, any phone; even if there was no color. The fact that it was a REAL phone could make our heads swell in front of our classmates. Slowly we wanted the colored ones, and then the smartphones. We are always chasing after the new models, the better ones, the faster processing ones. From i would die to have a phone, we now adopt the if its not the newest model, and if it lags i dont want it attitude.

I'm no saint. I go for stuffs that satisfy my needs and wants too. Between a chocolate that costs $1.00 and one that costs $2.50, i'm picking the $2.50 one, because i believe in paying for value. if its more expensive it has to be better. But i guess i draw the line somewhere. i wont pay 2000000 for a bag if i can get it for 20. COMEON NO ONE WOULD. no one in the right state of mind would anyway, unless he/she is a huge fan of the 2000000 bucks bag.

but at the end of the day, i wonder, for what are we doing all these for?

#259

2011-09-22T11:25:00.001+08:00

I've been getting quite a lot of questions about my grandma's hospitalization.
And the story just gets shorter and shorter with each person's asking.
From telling the whole story in detail, i now just say this: my grandma had a stroke.

Pretty much would summarize the whole situation succinctly.
But a stroke can be major.
For someone like grandma who loves moving around on her own so much, who can't bear to see anyone putting in extra efforts for her, she must be very burdened with all these thoughts while lying there unconscious.

Nobody wanted this to happen, and it just really is a great misfortune that we were away on a holiday when she had a stroke on Thursday. If we weren't away on a holiday she would be able to get professional help on the same day, instead of Saturday afternoon. The first stroke that struck her was a major one and somehow it had led to hemorrhage in her brain due to a blood vessel that burst. We made it back in time to see her for one last time before she never opened her eyes to look at us and hold our hands when we held hers. The second stroke hit her on a Monday morning. And there she lay, eyes closed, with occasional coughing, sneezing and frowning because of the phlegm. Her fever never fully subsided. With her condition deteriorating every day, it seemed bleak and we were slowly losing hope that she would ever get better. Each time the nurse fed her milk through her nose and did aspiration of seeing if she digested what she was fed earlier, my heart would stop for a minute. "What if she didn't digest what she was fed, what would happen if coffee-colored liquid was aspirated, etc" You see, coffee colored liquid aspiration meant that there was internal bleeding somewhere in her. And this scared me. She couldn't be on most of her medication because her medication thins blood, etc. And thinning blood meant that the blood would flow faster, and if her brain has not stopped bleeding, it would lead to her death if the blood reached some part of her brain. And so, the doctors basically couldn't do anything. I just heard them repeating this sentences a number of times. "We just want to make her as comfortable as possible, and if anything happens, we wouldn't perform any CPR on her or use the electricity (okay idk what term they use but its the CPR thingy) to shock her awake." To me, it just meant that if my grandma died, they will just come over and pronounce the time that she died.
Suddenly, the nurses took her off the critical condition list 2 days ago. I can never figure out on what grounds they lifted her off. Maybe it was because she passed the initial critical stage of one week without another stroke occurring, but her fever is still there. And the worst thing is, when the fever comes, they give her panadol. Then it subsides, and nothing is done. It comes back and they give her panadol again.
They keep wanting to change her ward because grandma is considered to be contagious due to certain germs or bacteria that is living under her skin. "i don't know how she got it, but somehow she got it." And so, they first shifted her to this air-conditioned ward - "Which is pretty much stupid. I think the invention of an air-con in the hospital ward is stupid itself, not to mention placing patients who are contagious in the same ward together. Doesn't this mean that the germs would be spreading around in that room itself and mutating with each other thus leading to the birth of even more vicious germs? And more complications would occur, and more transferring of wards would thus be the result." And so, we didn't agree to it, but it wasn't due to this reason, grandma is very afraid of the cold. she cannot stand air-con. So grandma got shifted back to her previous ward but a different bed. And they want to change her again because they say they now have a non-aircon bed and she is still contagious.
"The change is still not done yet because my dad refuses to allow that, due to them not getting back to him on certain questions he raised." - but i bet they would try to find all ways and means to move my grandma!

coming clean.

2011-09-21T03:20:00.001+08:00

i dare to say that all of us make mistakes. Some mistakes can be forgiven at a blink of an eye, others require more effort. Sometimes, the amount of effort required drains the hell out of you, and you get lethargic. It can get to a point that you no longer want to forgive. You just want to swipe everything off and be angry with the whole world.

And then i remember how i (somehow) coincidentally come across the weirdest things that tell me not to hate but love instead.
Like when i was in hongkong, there were like quite a few bowls for us to pick those leaves out from. i picked out something related to hatred and patience, etc. okay i cant really remember what was written anymore. i have the brain cells of a gold fish i think. my brain cells are probably mutated. alright that's not the point anyway. and back to my main point, basically it was telling me that hatred wouldnt do me any good, i should be more patient, or smth like that.
and then i kept thinking. am i not patient enough? how patient do i have to be?
one question repeated in my mind - "why was everything so unfair?"
or the daily horoscope by comitic which i read at the end of each day. how it uncannily seems to relate to how i should forgive people, stop burning my candle at both sides, learn how to trust, yada yada. (ALL ON DAYS WHEN I FEEL LIKE SHIT)

but i chose this path back then. i have no one to blame just because someone is in blissful state of not being in the know and all. and if time went back and i had the choice to change my mind, i would still do what i did despite knowing how much hurt and suffering i would have to go through alone.

yes i know it's damn difficult and darn hard to enter into my life. But everyone was once given a fair chance to walk in. Just know now that i usually won't let you into layer 10. most people make it to layer 1 only. that's how much many of you know about me. i'm sorry. i'm sorry that despite how hard some of you try, you are still at most at layer 8 or 9.

because layer 10 is a very different me. layer 10 lets all guards down. layer 10 needs protection. and because i dont know anyone who can protect this vulnerable me, i choose to not let you in on me. i'm a tough nut to crack i know. but i dont see the point of having someone see me cry but know nothing to tell me, nor do i see the point of having someone not knowing what to do when i'm at my worst. thing is, i know i might seem like happy all the time and all but i actually feel empty. i dont think people actually understand me. i think im really complicated and i think that although i can read most people like a book, no one ever knows how i feel. "or maybe they do but they dont voice it out." - actually i think u should voice it out to me, so that i would know, cos i just keep feeling im not worth anyone to remotely try to understand.

i chase people away alot when i'm at my weakest. because other than using this way, i don't know how to shift my attention away from my hurt. i don't go after people telling them to comfort me or whatsoever because i dont know how. i know how to give people advice, and i know what to say when they need to hear certain things, but sometimes i wish a mirrored me would talk to me so that i knew what to do.

deep down i know i wont be happy for doing things the way that im doing it now, but i just want to reduce any further disappointments alright? i know im selfish for doing such a thing, for hurting people while i burn my bridges, but i am really scared. yes i know, that inner 10th layer is actually some super vulnerable and insecure girl. there, i said it.

how does me saying what kind of person i actually am help? okay i should add on more negative traits right. to show that im actually not as perfect as i portray myself to be. i just like my picture to be perfect. i cant stand a taint. but for all these to take place, i try hard. i fight hard. harder than anyone else can ever imagine. i push myself to the limits and i dont ever want anyone to worry for me because i have this super big ego and pride standing in my way. yes im a prideful person.

but im super tired now. i just want a break.

i have to remove all past labels that i allowed people to place on me. im not that great. take me as a human would you? scold me when i put a strong front. yell at me if you have to, shake me awake. because how can you believe that perfection ever existed? i got caught for a while. i thought it was real.
but perfection is never real. it's just a facade for me to put on to hide behind.

for every action i take, there is a reason to it. i take every single step cautiously, and i articulate only after thinking through again and again. to an extent i feel tired of it. too diplomatic. too rational. too logical. no emotions. no feelings.

if you start to realize, you would know that i use anger to mask a lot of things. i use anger especially when i feel hurt. when i am extremely hurt, i use anger to show i am angry instead. in actual fact, i dont think i was ever angry. i was more hurt than angry. but i dont ever want to see people who care for me cry for me, because i dont know how to comfort you. this is the only way i can think of to prevent any tears. it just adds on to my pain, because its an additional pressure that i feel, and it makes me tired. because i dont like feeling angry.

im sad because through all these, after so much effort i made and how much struggles i go through daily, i dont feel understood. it's like no one actually appreciates what i have been doing. people are still angry at me, people are still venting out on me.

i feel pathetic. i feel trampled upon and i don't like this feeling at all. it's like im not worthy of people to love and care for while everyone else was worth my care and concern.
and i end up choosing to block people off because i dont even know how to explain. it's like i'd rather be alone and be angry with myself than have to answer a call or another what happened over at my phone. because if i had to answer this question, i am pointing it over to the fact that i was born. and i really dont like questioning my existance in this world. it scares me because sometimes the answers arent what anyone would like to hear or is prepared to hear.

these thoughts just flowed as i type. i had no idea all these was going in my head but i refused to acknowledge it.

yes im complicated and darn hard to understand. i wont ask anyone to stay because staying requires a tad too much effort at times. i shock people now and then with my emotional downturns. and the greatest turn off of all is: i might just get worse than this. i don't know.

#258

2011-09-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

blogger changed their interface! it seems so different all of the sudden.
life has been really lacking of updates cos my scheduler had been destroyed by my bubble tea which i bought for my instructor awhile back.
"yeah i know excuses"
but fact what!
and how it happened...
cos this instructor is always asking me for bubble tea but the only one near my house that is good is CUP WALKER!
so i bought that for him once, and after that all my lessons are filled with me buying bubble tea for him... whenever he is the instructor.
i feel so bad towards my second instructor man. >.<
and so it happened this one fateful afternoon the guy in the bubble tea shop didnt seal the damn bubble tea properly.
AND DUMB ME DIDNT KNOW.
and soooooo.
yeap it leaked when i put it in my bag, thus damaging everything.
*at this point i thank everything and anything because my ipod wasnt damaged.*
i wouldnt be able to buy it even if i were a billionaire now. its not in production anymore.
OKAY I KNOW. exaggeration right? fineeeeeeeeeee.
but my point is i super love it so i would be sad if it died on me right!
and my poor scheduler then rest in peace with eau de bubble tea fragrance...

alright and i cant remember things that happened daily haha.

basically i just came back from a week at hk, shenzhen, and macau!
damn me cos i didnt get to try my bird nest egg tart when that was what i was for.
actually nothing that i wanted to do in my to-do list was done.
sigh....
but at least i have been to hk and shenzhen and macau! (:

and this pattern of mine always comes one week before my birthday every year. with each year it gets worse. i dont want to feel disappointed anymore so now i rather i chased everyone away from the start so i wont get disappointed cos basically i asked for it this time. im sorry but i dont want to raise my hopes up and fall even harder this time.

2011-08-22T09:45:00.003+08:00

and i cant resist the urge, simply have to blog.

i feel very short tempered lately. i dont feel myself and i know i dismiss these short temperedness with things like im just tired or something along the line.

i think things got to an extent where i dont even know what im doing to myself and my thoughts.

i just cant seem to be honest with my own thoughts. i am much better at putting my thoughts into words.

maybe i did everything so well that people really think that i'm doing well with it and i'm surviving awesomely. fact is, i try so hard to put myself back in one piece every single day. i hate my reality.

An idealist who is a realist in the eyes of many. i hide my emotions so much that i actually feel so void of it. i feel that i dont ever deserve to be happy, to love or to be loved. i think it happened so much that i dont ever think i have the right to be happy anymore.

i dont even know what i am.

do you know how scary it can be? to question yourself every single day on why hasnt a single bit of good befall on you? it doesnt matter how much people say they will be there or how much they say i deserve so much better. because i dont believe in words anymore. it doesnt matter if they move on any longer because they just prove that my theory stands tall. i no longer hurt so much when it happens.

i start to hate instead.

when you start to hate things and draw a line between you and the rest of the world, that's when you start to realize one very simple yet difficult thing: you wont accept people in your life and there is just this distance that grows greater between you and people.

you find yourself much more closed up than you ever were, and you just dont want to allow yourself to be emotionally attached to anyone as much as you ever were. you are sick and tired of being tired and you just dont want to continue anymore.

Did you take me for granted? because i remember.

因为对一个完美主义者而言，这是个污点。一个永远不管你怎么搽都搽不掉的污点；反而越搽越黑，从灰色变成现在的黑色。

#257

2011-07-12T23:53:00.002+08:00

16 June 2011

"I'm now sitting in their 4-star hotel over in Anuradhapura. If you ask me, no i dont want to leave this place. i would gladly stay at this resort forever and ever and never return. Ah well i can dream. people have dreams."

It's about 5:30pm and we would be off to see two other sights.

the view at night at the stupa that i went to was super nice cos of the lightings.

LIKE CHRISTMAS TIME THOSE LIGHTINGS LIKE THAT.

Seriously, so far all the places that I've been to require lots of walking up stairs which are actually just rocks carved out not-very-evenly, sandy places, and yeap you got that right. I've got to move around many places barefooted. TRUST ME, when the sun is up there and you step on the sand, your feet scream HELP. i finally get how ants on a hot wok would feel. you cant stop moving or you would get burnt.

HELLO IM NOT EXAGGERATING! REALLY!

but our first stop from the start of the day was at Kurunagala's farm of some sort. we were actually there to release cows. i think damn shiok. cos by going there, i have a cow named after me and a SQUIRREL named after me. OMG SQUIRREL YOU KNOW. how many of you can hold on to this fast moving animal and actually have it named after you?!

shut up if you can do what i did.

i want to feel special tyvmbnty.

and then we went to see the rock temple.

okay basically the places i went to are mostly holy places of worship.

there is really alot of these places in sri lanka.

and really, the place is nice.

my photos look decent not cos of my photography skills. (my photography skills suck)

ITS REALLY THEIR SCENERY THAT MAKES EVERYTHING LOOK SO NICE.

the manuals are like super nice to me! omg talking about them make me miss them now. they are super smiley and they always bring me to different places to take photos. SO NICE RIGHT!

i wonder is it just me or are singaporeans really hostileeeeeeee. means im hostile too):

oh the tour is great, except for the way this outspoken unhappy person who makes me upset with the way she says of people. (us in question) oh man i really dont like her okay i shant talk about her.

oh and the manuals call me nanggi (which stands for younger sister) cos i am the youngest there haha.

OKAY I LOVE THE HOTEL HERE. I WANT TO STAY HERE FOREVER.

PS this resort is called Palm Garden Village Hotel. if you want to know more ask me! i'll gladly tell you how great this hotel is!

#256

2011-07-11T22:37:00.002+08:00

15 June 2011

Woke up at 3:30AM again.

this time to offer food to 80 arhans.

oh i forgot to mention.

it's their really big day in Sri Lanka.

They celebrate the day that Venerable Mahathir brought Buddhism to Sri Lanka.

idk how to spell it. its called possum day or smth.

basically packed stuffs for the short getaway, play game and goff to find dad.

went to town again!

had KFC leyyy.

hahaha kfc never tasted so nice LOL.

then all the shops mostly closed due to the event.

i went to their rather decent shopping centre.

AND I HAD MY FIRST BASKIN ROBBINS ICE CREAM THERE!

hahahahah.

ya i always go malaysia, but i never ever ate that.

HAHAHA.

okay and we travelled in a tut tut.

hehe okay im tired. shall end this entry here! HAHA

#255

2011-07-11T11:03:00.002+08:00

14 June 2011

I finally got a chance to go out to the town today!

to run some errands but at least i got out to see what's outside!

we waited for the taxi for one hour (YES ITS THAT LONG)

journey out to the town was about 1/2 hours cos it was school time so it was pretty congested.

the stores here are basically like those we see in little india.

didnt have any proper meals today.

they have this porridge gruel called kanji. surprisingly quite nice.

that bruise still hurts lol.

after running the errands we came back and went out for sightseeing!

we went to 2 holy places before going to a new meditation centre that Visaka manual is building. (yes they call nuns manual there)

the funniest thing is it rained each time we were visiting somewhere. awesome right. then their rain is rain then stop then rain again then stop again one.

the journey to each place was loooooooong. but i would say its worth the bumpy rides. cos the scenary was super nice.

btw the roads are so bumpy that i woke up with bruises here and there.

yes, that bumpy.

#254

2011-07-11T10:30:00.002+08:00

In the world of emotions, we are given a choice to pick how we want to feel. I choose happiness.

13 June 2011

had to wake up and prepare by 5:15AM

T.T

really sleepy and i couldnt get up.

it was the ultimate busy day today!

i guess my body clock still works. I was up before 5AM.

"We had to carry this big bowl/4 small bowls of rice up a stretch of road barefooted."

and wooohooo i dk how i carried it, i ended up with a bruise on my head.

SOMEHOW (idk how) it cant be seen but oh boy i can feel it.

PAINFUL like mad.

we did the same thing for lunch and then went to do this transfer of merits.

Actually i got kind of spooked out.

cos i couldn't see anything and suddenly another person came along other then the three spirits we were supposed to transfer merits to.

you know? like you can't see them but they can see you thing.

After all these, we started getting prepared for our 3D2N Tour.

had a meeting and omg im super excited even though its not exactly what i was thinking of and all haha.

And once in a while over here, when things are quiet, i stop to think of people I'm close to in Singapore. Different people who give me different feelings. And i wonder, when things get to where they are, how did they happen, and why. We are all not perfect, and yet we demand perfection from those around us. We end up not being fair to everyone, including ourselves. Everyone gets upset and we end up taking on diverging paths. We somehow just can't seem to accept people for who they are. It's in us, all of us. Why?

After the talk, i knew even more that I can't hide away forever. I'm strong enough to stand again i know, because i stood before. I don't know what inner peace is, but what i know is that i will never find peace with myself in this really hectic dramatic lifestyle which i am really not interested in living. And this can't be changed if people around me don't change, and more importantly, if i dont change. but i do know that i can be able to do better if i am just able to let go.

And this, is what i have been in denial of.

#254

2011-06-29T22:52:00.002+08:00

12 June 2011

"Your mind is powerful. It can lead you to success or ultimate failure."

All i do here is sleep!

couldn't wake up in the morning for morning prayers. the time for morning prayers is 3.45am by the way.

and i slept till it was time for breakfast. went back to eat breakfast which was basically fruits cos i didnt feel like eating their rice and etc etc. went to find dad after that.

have i mentioned i went to visit their super duper big kitchen? its madness to prepare so much food! (practically in pails) their pots and pans are like 1000000X larger than what we have at home.

alright exaggeration.

but you get what i mean.

and after that it was

*SIGH* SLEEP AGAIN.

woke up in the afternoon for prayers before lunch. to commemorate the 8th death anniversary of their teachers, the one i saw many years ago, before he passed away. we ate lunch with the puny yoghurt spoon instead of the big spoon cos our spoons went missing ):

you probably can guess what i did after this.

(YES SLEEP)

dad says its cos of the atmosphere here and the air humidity difference and idk what. all i knw is i want to sleeeeep.

I THINK IM JUST LAZY LA OKAY.

made dinner after evening prayers. okay its actually just cup noodles ahahhahaa.

my lips are so dry but i forgot my lip balm. ):

we had a short meditation during the short evening prayers. and suddenly i felt refreshed. i wasn't so tired anymore. this feeling is something i haven't felt before, especially these 6 months. i realized that in life we seek many answers, and live for the future, neglecting the present. we worry about many things, and these things cause us to never be able to find peace from within. we can't feel happy. we have too much in our heads, too much worry when all we should really be worrying about is when we would stop breathing, because no matter how hard life is, the only time when it all really ends is when breathing ceases.

Deep down i started to realize that i wont be able to find my inner peace, not when my mind is filled with all the hurt, pain and questions.

i wont know what tomorrow brings, but i do know that the drama for the next few days in sri lanka would cease. im far from drama, and im glad at it.

reality is something that i cant hide away from forever, but if i believe, i know what happiness can do to the reality of mine.

time can heal certain sort of pain. if things can be forgotten, i learnt that you shouldn't let it haunt you back by recounting to others if you can't let go. All you will do is reopen wounds and deepen your hate.

the serenity gets into you. it got into me.

#253

2011-06-27T13:51:00.003+08:00

11 June 2011

Huda's Birthday today! (:

"Go to anywhere with an open heart to accept. and do anything with an open mind to adapt."

and i am already in sri lanka at this time.

Sri lanka's time zone lags behind by 2½ hours.

The first thing we were greeted with was their duty free shop after clearing their customs.

THEY SELL HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AT THE ARRIVAL HALL.

i really mean household appliances, like refrigerators, washing machines, televisions, etc. and alot of tech stuffs.

TOTALLY UNLIKE ALL OTHER DFS i came about.

awesome right.

okay im joking.

have i mentioned that i got a free upgrade to business class cos economy class was full?

idk how it happened but yeah anw i gotta love emirates for that.

their service in biz class is (Y)

we reached at 2.15AM (S.L time)

oh and one thing i learnt there? dont change your money with government banks. the rates will all be fixed. the private banks can give you much better rates.

AND THEIR SERVICE IS REALLY SLOW.

its like they have all the time in the world.

Just changing the money and buying a sim card took 1½ hours.

MAD OR WHAT!

omg and the whole time all i wanted to do was sit on the bus so that i can sleep.

im serious.

eh but then again you can't blame me.

i mean, its 2.15 am (SGT 4.45am), way past my bed time.

their sun is glaringly bright.

you really squint when there is the sun saying hi to you.

and the ride can get pretty bumpy.

but people like me can just fall asleep when i want to sleep so to me, its nothing.

LOL!

honestly i like the life there. if i spoke their language, had no worries in the world, i might stay there even!

we stopped by their teahouse/cafe where they served milk tea where you get to add your own sugar. (if you let them add it yourself you would be drinking sugar) and i notice they love to use the spice marsala. (and no, i dont like that)

their bakery sells alot of things, and they dont store their loaves of bread properly. they leave it in the open. okay i dw think about the creepy crawlies on shelves.

and we continued our journey on the primary school but cute like anything bus.

I SAW A POLICE POST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

its damn crazy. like a small police post in the middle of a turnabout.

super cool! oh but bus move too fast for me to capture a shot ):

I SAW A RAILWAY TRAIN RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES.

yeah i know. i can see the same thing at bukit timah.

but this railway track i saw crossed roads. i mean, all cars had to stop for it to go. omggg hen cool leh i like!!!!!!

when we finally reached, we settled down and went to have breakfast. they eat those set yoghurt for every meal. its super fantastic. im so in love with yoghurt. after touring the meditation centre we went to help give out lunch. great experience. and omgosh they do this twice a day everyday.

OH AND THEY USE WOOD TO COOK.

because gas is really expensive up in the mountains.

Everything over at where i was is really basic, but you don't feel like you need anything else. It's like enough for you.

their food's spicy man, although it looked so harmless.

we continued walking around after lunch and went to join in a meditation group.

actually i didnt get the essence of meditation. i couldnt accept what i heard while i meditated. its as if i had a mind of my own and my mind didnt want to accept it because it was filled with a lot of other thoughts of my own.

Things will get better though, i'll find my answers.

#252

2011-06-25T22:20:00.004+08:00

03 June 2011

Yijun's birthday today!

I don't remember if i lied to her alot.

okay i dont remember my lies.

but i know all of us pretended to 'FORGET' her birthday!

and she was really sad when none of us mentioned a thing.

till we went into CJ.

and she saw her cake.

OMG IMAGINE HER FACE.

and then we went to walk around after that cos we wanted to go to tanjong pagar for dinner.

with LY and ZY!

met them all at the MRT station.

she got shocked i think.

and then we took a bus down together and had dinner while waiting for joanne. tsk

joanne late again.

had those fruit tarty cake!

and then we went home tgther in circle line! :D

07 June 2011

Met yijun and zy for kungfu panda!

omg when it was a child it was so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeee.

actually this cartoon is not bad you know.

its hilarious for most parts of the show.

and i enjoyed it even though i didnt even watch part 1.

so its awesomely awesome (:

*btw i like the word awesome. thats why i use it incessantly. haha!

10 June 2011

Met girls at vivo for lunch!

reached abit late but still earlier than has to buy a cake.

met up with has in front of breadtalk

and then went off to harbourfrontcentre tgther to wait for the other two

WHO WENT TO WATCH KF2 tgther again after 3 years?

HAHA

i wonder if they sat couple seat again seriously.

okay i shall stop joking.

i love the girls because despite how we seem so distant at times, we are all the same when we meet up. we just catch up with one another, and end up having 100% fun.

got onto my flight at night after being super busy the minute i got home.

oh the amount of sleep i get is really.

so enjoyable.

HAHA

Strength

2011-06-22T15:54:00.002+08:00

Where do you find your strength?

When something really hard crashes into our world, where do we turn to?

some of the things we count on: our family, friends, people we love, things we love to do.

there are so many more.

But when something really really hurts you, you have to remember that they can make it all better, but its up to yourself to pick yourself up from the fall and continue walking forward.

Time.

It can't heal all the pain, but it can allow you to replace unhappy memories with happy ones. You've got to let go to accept the happiness that is waiting to enter your life.

i've fallen before. i've had my fair share of downs enough for me to wise up and mellow down. i've learnt to pick myself up. i've learnt to grow up. i've been through many phases in life for me to start telling stories and theories of my own.

It's not easy to pick yourself up after falling time and again. But one thing i know for sure, each time you stand up, you learn something. You do, whether you see it now or 10, 20 years down the road. It pieces up what kind of person you were, have become, and will be. They are your own stories to tell. You have the decision to make with regards to how great you want it to be or how sad you want it to be.

You dont have to be strong for anyone else if you can't even answer to yourself. We all have our moments, moments where we just want to crawl into a corner to be found, to be comforted and hugged, someone to tell us its all gonna be okay, someone who will continually tell you all these till you believe them, till you are convinced totally.

i can speak so much negativity in life that i've forgotten how to be happy again. i've heard so much negativity from myself and people around me that i've changed into someone who doesn't even know how to be happy.

Do you know what it's like to be happy?

Do you know what it's like to be able to smile and not be afraid of anything that would happen?

Have we left all these behind in the process of growing up or have we been too caught up in our chases for a better future that we forgot the importance of our present happiness?

I don't plan for a better future anymore, because my plans always diverge.

we all get tired. we all want to wait for people around us to pull us up, but they can't do this for us all the time. we've got to get strong on our own. we've got to explore the ends of each tunnel on our own at times. we've got to close ourselves up at times to learn to get strong and be a better person for us and those around us.

i've got to get stronger than i am now. that's the amount of strength i need.

2011-06-22T02:22:00.001+08:00

june hasnt ended!

so i shall wait till june end then i blog about june hohoho!

but i want blog abt sri lanka trip first.

but im tired alrd!

so tomorrow! :D

#251

2011-06-21T23:28:00.006+08:00

been on MIA for long enough to shoot myself. ):

what if i forgot what i did!

nah it wont happen. thanks to my schedule book. :D

you know, its june now and i haven even posted may's entry.

but because im kinda excited to blog about my recent trip to sri lanka, i shall skip many nothing really special days and only talk about funny exciting days! :D

04 May 2011

was really super sian after some stuffs over at night on 3rd of may i remember. and so decided to go out to clarke quay. and cos sis needed to study for her exams we went out tgther :D

we took bus 80 all the way there. then we started talking. and we were nearing clarke quay. so we were telling each other must look out for clarke quay.

2 pairs of eyes right? but we ended up at harbourfront interchange.

AWESOME OR WHAT.

we cfm 100% plus chop sisters cos our directions bad like *idontevenknwhowtodescribeitnowlol*

so anw we ended up at vivo's starbucks. then 2 chefs came to sit beside us. and really talked super loud. =.=

then my sis said that woman sit till super unglam. so they sat and talked till like forever.

my sis damn pissed cos she cant study and i sian cos i want read the book on sri lanka but if i read i cant hear music cos i cant concentrate cos that book is boring but if i dont listen to music i hear their voice i sian. -.- see what i mean.

annoying people who cannot talk at a lower volume. THEY NOT IN KITCHEN LA NO NEED SHOUT WALAO EH!

then we went to LJS for dinner and got homeeeee! (:

07 May 2011

met yj for CJ!

oh yay i got to eat my chao nian gao.

and kimchi pancake :D

then i forgot what we did.

but i think we went far east to get her colleague wedding present preordered.

I THINK LA.

omg i cant rmb haha!

then we went to hougang mall to buy cake and dinner then homedddd :D

09 May 2011

AHHHH AVRIL CONCERT

i dont know why she so awesome but she is awesome. :)

her vocals are super powerful.

and i like this album also.

she sang alot of songs.

AND ENCORED SOMEMORE!

omg she never does this!

and this is the first concert of hers i've been to.

prolly the last cos i think she might not come out with anymore concerts):

but its okay if she come back.

TOTALLY FINE WITH ME COS SHE SINGS SO WELL

and writes nice songs!

it was a mad rush the whole day cos in the morn i had driving till 10:10am then i rushed to work then i rushed down to stadium. wooohooo. (Y) but i wasnt tired. :D HAHA!

11 & 13 May 2011

Met LY for dinner! (:

had long chat on 11th and 13th for a short while at pasir ris then i went off to find sis and yj over at plaza sing! then the three of us ate at cafe cartel (no i didnt eat la ahah). after that we went off to walk around and finally went homeee! :D

14 May 2011

met the girls to collect grad outfit!

end up i didnt even rent cos i borrow from yijun LOL

then we went off to vivo for picnic! :D

had alot of fun there with the girls!

super long didnt meet up alrd.

18 May 2011

MET HAS FOR MACBETH!

apart from the fact that the sound system not that good, everything about the show is good.

haha! its cos i read the book before.

and awesome partner i brought along with me.

has got so annoyed with the people behind us she keep complaining about them.

LOL.

i forgot what they did.

but they were annoying.

HAHA!

21 May 2011

BBQ at my house! :D

Love the people who came.

cant be bothered with those who didnt come and made up excuses not to come.

cause i use such small things to determine how much i mean to you.

and if thats how much i meant, then this is how much you get from me.

and that night was important to me because i needed certain answers.

and your presence would mean alot to me.

so i thank all of you who came and know my story (:

even if you dont, but came, thank you too :) ♥

23 May 2011

Met wenyi, nicholas and youwei for Kbox today!

eh this wenyi very bad.

she ming ming know how to sing the song but she always tells me she dk how to sing

then end up i always have to solo sing one.

TELL ME WHY SHE SO BAD.

speaking of K i kinda miss K leh.

so long didnt sing.

HAHA im a liar i just sang in my room this afternoon.

LOL

-.- okay i shall stop being so lame.

at this point of time i cant stop hiccuping.

and this is annoying me.

@.@

25 May 2011

met ashley for dinner and long chat! :)

updated her alot of things that i didnt cos i didnt meet up with her haha!

had pepper lunch and then we went home after that (:

"HAVE TO REMEMBER TO TAKE VIDEOS FROM HER HAHA"

26 May 2011

Grad day today! (:

and bro's chi birthday tooo!

went to fish and co for dinner at NEX after grad ceremony (:

♥ all my lovelies ♥♥

28 May 2011

Bro's bday today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (:

went out for family dinner and then homed to cut cake! :D

i dont understand how on earth can this happen.

neither can i accept the fact that you allowed for this to happen and you ruined all of us.

all that could have been.

relationships

2011-05-04T11:04:00.003+08:00

on a blogging roll now.

A friend once asked me this question.

"Would you rather be with the one you love or would you rather be with the one who loves you?"

We all know this is based on our own perceptions. Yet, i believe that the way we love another also shows who we are.

How sure are we that if we started a relationship with someone who loves us (but we do not love them), we would learn to give as much as we received at the start of the relationship? Although many arguments arise about the ending, I always believe that people who continually receive would continue receiving, maybe to an extent that we will one day take everything given to us for granted. There are two types of people in this world, those that give, and those that receive. There are grey areas within, but we all know we are more skewed to one side. As time goes by, the one giving is bound to get tired, and will not want to give anymore. You, on the other hand, have gotten used to the receiving. The sudden withdrawal by your partner is bound to leave you uncontented. Quarrels will follow and that's where the relationship is heading towards, downhill. Even the strongest love would waver if there is no return.

Being with the one you love is a choice. Its an arduous journey because you risk losing everything, including yourself. You would start circling your world around him/her. You face a much higher risk of being heartbroken because you opened your heart. In the game of love, you lose. But people like you tell yourself that between love and pride, you choose love. Because love is a beautiful thing. it gives you the strength to continue no matter how hard your life is. In the end, you are often the one who decides if this is what you really want, and when it is time to move on, you get up and move, stronger than how you were before the start of the relationship. More independent, more sure and certain of what you needed and wanted.

There's no such thing as unconditional love, because things would get to a point where you would want more than you have received. When expectations are not met, we get disappointed, and disappointments would slowly turn into dissatisfaction against the other.

Often, we would end up losing the one who loves us, and we regret as time goes by and we meet many others who never treat us as well. We want to turn back the clock, and reverse everything, but we all fail to realize that some things gone will never return. A heart once broken would not allow itself to be mended. pretty sad but true. as much as we hate to admit it, we hide into a shell that protects us so well, build walls to protect ourselves, only to hurt others in the process.

A relationship is a two way street. There's no room for a third party or all will be lost. Neither is there a way out because the only way out is a break up. If one party stops trying, the other would eventually stop too, because the amount of hurt and effort that one puts in is not enough to salvage a love that has been lost.

爱与被爱都是一种幸福的选择，只是看你选哪一个而已。

I ever watched a show, and i believe in this statement strongly.

“在爱情的过程里面，有一个人是一直站在付出比较多一点的那一方。所以受伤，嫉妒，开心，欢笑，所有爱情的感觉，我们都比对方多了一倍。当然伤害业会多了一倍。不过这些现在对方都感觉不到了，全部都留给我们承受。不过也正因为我们比别人多了一份爱，才有力量在伤痛中重新站起来。”

We should never take love given to us for granted, because the time will come one day where we will regret what we have not cherished.

#250

2011-04-30T09:51:00.006+08:00

april now!

haha im such a procrastinator.

but im determined to blog down my life. :)

02 April 2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YULOON! (:

04 April 2011 - 12 April 2011

was away in taiwan with sis, yijun and wenning! (:

although we've never seen wenning before but very fast became shou with each other.

(MUST BE COS WENNING VERY FUNNY ALSO)

and i shall dedicate one blog post for taiwan :D

gosh idk when im going to get my lazy bones to do that.

taiwan's an awesome place. (:

oh and u can ask me for the itinerary of ours if you want (:

just email me! :D

12 April 2011

got back in singapore at like 12am plus plus.

slept for like i dk how long but then i went for ftt etrial test in the morning at like i think 10plus?

then there was a 45 min break and i was like dozing off here and there

the nervous nerves totally didnt get into my head

gosh i hate myself at times like this.

then i DOZED OFF DURING E TRIAL TEST.

sigh

getting old.

LOL.

AH WELL I PASSED SO THOSE LAMENTS ARE UNCALLED FOR (:

now left with practical lessons :D

13 April 2011

Sis and i met yijun to go CJ to pass them the stuffs we bought for them over at taiwan (:

(WEARESONICE)

Went to find anqi and zy at city hall for lunch at astons!

passed them their presents and anqi's posters (SEE SO NICE)

left there to go catch limitless over at the cathay!

limitless is a good show.

haha i like shows like this.

14 April 2011

walked home with wenyi from ubi after driving lessons!

ahh i love walks like this. :D

and we bought the 1dollar ice cream to eat otw home

((:

15 April 2011

went to kallang with mother so she can fry hei bi hiam.

HAHAHA

the smell was crazily overpowering i kept coughing in the house.

and then mother told me she was going to go for acupuncture and she told me i should go walk around somewhere.

POOR ME.

and so i went to find three of them over at suntec!

after that i went back to kallang to find mom.

okay i lied. i actually went to walk around and spent a bomb before going back to find mom.

hehh hehh.

and then i went for like a joy ride around here and there before finally going home to shower before going to BBQ :D

this reminds me, i have to book pit alrd! :D

EXCITED.

I LOVE to BBQ food HAHAHA!

i spent 2 hours in the bus.

im not joking.

omg i hate the jams. i sat till my whole back stiffen HAHAHA

wth im getting old.

the fire couldnt start and so we went to microwave the food so that people can eat the cooked food first :D

and then wenyi walked me to the bus stop :D

took less than an hour to get home.

(now you know why i love going home at the dead of the night. NO JAM)

16 April 2011

Met yijun for cycling today! :D

we cycled around sengkang estate before going back to her house to return her probably now broken bike.

headed over to jacks place for lunch before going home! :D

YAY I LOVE CYCLING :D

idc if im bad at it, at least i learn.

HAH!

17 April 2011

yay i cooked dinner today!

EVEN THOUGH its like not cooking cos all instant food.

and the worst thing is.

): i actually forgot to take pictures. actually no i did but only the sweet and sour pork picture was saved. ):

19 April 2011

yayness i cooked today again!

cooked bak kut teh leh:D

and i almost drove my mom nuts by telling her that i didnt want to cook instant food.

and so we went to buy the herbs before we went home to cook. :D

had to rush through the cooking because i had work at night!

tiring but never mind it was funnnnn ^^

20 April 2011

accompanied mom to SEAB to pay for sister's exam fees.

turns out SEAB was super near to clarke quay so mom alighted me down at one bus stop to take a bus down to clarke quay!

heh i went to starbucks to stare into space.

i love starbucks.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!

met zy later to go over to party world for k with jiayan!

super long didnt see jiayan alrd!

and then went home after that!

*love walking home from kovan at night.

21 April 2011

went for driving in the morning before going home to shower and then came out of the house to go work at night.

met zy before work cos just nice he end work early and needed to kill time

we went to eat auntie anne! :DDDD

i love auntie anneeeee HEHEHE

23 April 2011

Movie marathoned with yijun!

we caught Rio and and and Source Code!

AWESOME SHOWS

though rio is lighthearted, and for kids, but i learnt something from there.

If we never try, we wouldn't ever know what we are capable of.

*sorry brain abit dead i really no strength to talk about what i learnt from the movies.

yeah i know "what i do right, all i do is bum around everyday, only go out for wasting money ): but HEY! bumming around also need energy one!"

alright stop justifying my laziness):

and after that we went over to hougang to find joanne so that she can go dye her hair.

wow very bright color.

LOL.

and dad keeps asking me what i did at the salon.

HIII i didnt do anything.

i think he wants me to dye my hair too.

25 April 2011

Went to collect stuff with sis and mom in the afternoon.

then we went off to compass to get our lunch.

(time was like 3 plus luh ): )

and i bought famous amos cookies! :D

by the time i blog about this date, the cookies are alrd gone.

HAHAHA

love butterscotch cookies from famous amos! :D

26 April 2011

met zy for lunch before going off to find joanne at work!

and i ended up becoming her pao tui today

went to subway to buy her burger, then went to mac to buy her fries then went to cold storage to buy annie her 100 plus.

did i mention i bought her a drink from gong cha before going over to CJ?

tsktsktsk.

she waited for me after work and we homed tgther with ah wei and ah kang!

those two people really damn bully.

sighhhhh.

27 April 2011

met zy for lunch before (supposedly meeting joanne at somerset) going home.

she is a nugget. tell me she will meet me there but end up she lazy ):

and so i went off to work after lazing around at home. LOL

28 April 2011

yayyyy went for driving lessons and then came home to waste time abit before going off to meet wenyi at house bus stop!

walked to hock lam beef and then cos we were not hungry we ended up walking to heartland mall and stroll around before going back to hock lam beef for a very very very very filling dinner! :D

and the food was nice :D

yay i finally ate hock lam beef after... 1 year of craving!

HAHAHHA

29 April 2011

met zy for lunch at vivo and then after that went to find mom at farrer park! :D

end up go grocery shopping with her and went around here and there with her before going off to somerset alone to sit at starbucks over a nice cup of ice latte. :))

worked and came home with a fright thanks to sis.

but thank goodness its all over now. (:

30 April 2011

SUPPOSED to go cycling with wenyi in the morning but the weather really sucks.

end up want rain no rain dk got rain anot.

grrrrr.

then went off to find yijun to go CJ to have lunch! :D

yay i ate my chao nian gao.

happppy happppy day! :D

went off to fareast to er i really forgot.

HAHAHAH

i was joking!

end up yj only managed to get 1 thing on her list of things to be done completed.

"buy smth for her colleague's wedding."

tsktsk

YAYYYYNESS IM DONE WITH APRIL :)

PS i've got to learn how to spell itinerary - i googled the spelling. HAHHAA

tag replies only (:

2011-04-22T19:29:00.003+08:00

Lepak: hi, sorry but i dont understand malay..
Sophia: No problem on that! (:
BLOGOBO: (:
Silvia: Haha welcome! (:
Mary: Hi, enlighten me on what's barter feature? Would love to try new things (:
Atiqah: cool! its for us to go read random entries? haha

#249

2011-04-21T13:37:00.006+08:00

hoho it has been long!

last update was since i went to taiwan for grad trip and came back (:

ready for march? :D

06 March 2011

lunched with family at Jumbo tgther with grandaunt!

haha i can't remember what else we did but it was family day! :D

07 March 2011

ASHLEY's BIRTHDAY TDY! (:

Went for interview with Yijun over at tampines in the afternoon before going off to do ashley's birthday cake. Hehe. last minute decision but it was super nerve breaking to do that cake. (from here i can see that i wont make it as a baker so very sadly) and then off to find ashley over at amk for dinner at fish and co! :D and after that we went to K at broadway plaza there hehe. homed after that (:

08 March 2011

gosh had another 2 sessions of driving today. instructor is nice but strict too i rmb, but i learn alot under him. (but i shall not really talk about driving cos i always feel so silly after each lesson ): )

09 March 2011

Went for ICA job thingy with Anqi tdy! It's super fun! i remember how anqi was crazily searching the boot of the car. (she has potential to work at the chop passport place) HAHA. met yijun for dinner at happy chef :D hehehe i love happy chef! :D :D :D

14 March 2011

Met Yuloon Mummy today at Novena! :D had lunch tgther before walking around everywhere in novena square. hoho. left at 4 plus later to go buy stuffs at china town before meeting mom at compass point for i forgot what but i know i went there. HAHA. oh and i walked all the way from outram park to clarke quay to take train! yes i know its a straight line but people might also get lost and tired and give up along the way right! so its justified as an accomplishment! Hhohoho.

15 March 2011

Met LY and wenyi for cycling at east coast park! (learnt cycling tdy) WEEEE ACHIEVEMENT LIKE ANYTHING) i took like 1 hour plus i think, and steering have problem (okay fine my steering always have problem. i shall face up to it bravely) AND I DIDNT FALL! :D OMG SO HAPPPPPPPI. (please let me be happy while i can okay thankyou) and met ashley and leonard for dinner at watami@bishan! :D and so paisei cos leonard paid for the meal! but the food was niceeeeeee :D :D

17 March 2011

Met yijun and zhengyao for movie tdy! watched the red riding hood, its a not bad movie, with a real special twist towards the end. Pretty cool! and then we went walking around to orchard central and sat at coffee bean to talk. hoho. and and and then we went to art friend to take a look. :D went for dinner thereafter before going home! :D

20 March 2011

MOM's birthday today!

went for dinner at raffles town club with family

(photos with sister)

shall update with photos once i get it:D

21 March 2011

Met yijun and zhengyao to celebrate zy's birthday!

we went to K at clarke quay's party world and played Happy birthday song.

but the happy birthday song was super epic and haha we ended up singing the song ourselves.

and we gave him a scardy cat lion. its a scardy cat lion cos i said so. went off to have dinner at marina square to spend the marina square vouchers after that (: hoho, and feeling very very full after that, we went home! :D

22 March 2011

worked full day today cos night plans was cancelled in the end and sis needed to find replacement for the night ):

23 March 2011

ZHENGYAO's BIRTHDAY TODAY!

and seriously, my planner wrote nothing else. i cant remember what i did. ):

25 March 2011

Met yijun for cycling and then lunch at BBQ chicken! :D then we went to watch sucker punch. i honestly feel there is something more to this show but i just can't figure it out. There's got to be something lehhh! homed after that after buying dinner for brother.

"And so, the movie started off with the death of a very rich mom of two girls. She left behind everything to her daughters, much to the (i would say evil) stepfather's anger. He attempted to rape the protagonist one day, but failed. and when it failed, he locked the protagonist in her room and turned to her younger sister and tried to rape her. the sister ran to hide in the closet, and while he was trying to unlock the door, the protagonist got out of her room by jumping out of the window and grabbing a gun, and attempted to shoot him. With a miss, what she found was her sister, breathless. he took this opportunity to send her to the home for the mentally insane, where she struggled to get out with a plan. Together with the rest, they attempted to get out. A wise man in her fantasies told her that they needed to obtain 5 things to get out. A map, fire, knife, key, and the fifth thing was a mystery that only the protagonist could discover herself. A clue was that it required a sacrifice. Obtaining the first four items was a drift between reality and imagination. Sacrifices were made in between obtaining the items, and eventually, what was left was the protagonist and another girl. The last item, as deduced by the protagonist, was her herself. She needed to be sacrificed in order to complete the other girl's story. The story then goes on to the part where the protagonist just finished her lobotomy, and reveals that the psychiatrist have never agreed to this lobotomy. Her stepfather bribed someone to forge the signature. Police is brought in and the next scene shows the girl who escaped getting on the bus. the bus driver helps her on when she was stopped by police officers who found her suspicious. she has no documents and would have been caught without the help of the driver. It turns out that the driver is the same man who appeared in the fantasy of the protagonist. He tells her that she still has a long journey ahead, and the story ends with the bus driving off."

What i think is that this movie teaches you something about life. from the time where she got inside the mentally insane institute, she was observing every single thing. Right from the start she was plotting her escape. And she did it, she could have escaped successfully. She chose to give up her chances of escaping to another who needed it more. She was happy to be lobotomized probably because she rather she forgot everything. The other girl still had a long way to go after escaping, and the experience she had in the mental institute was enough to wide her up for the long journey.

26 March 2011

DADDY's BIRTHDAY!

oh gosh. i can't remember what the heck i did today.

but i bet it was family day. HAHAHA

28 March 2011

Met LY, Yijun and zhengyao for kbox today!

HEHE

and after that went to have astons for dinner over at city square mall! :D

you shall hear how i get so afraid of astons. hahahha

29 March 2011

met anqi for lunch at ASTONS cos i was so bored at home and she was finding someone to accompany her for lunch :D

and then went off to marina square to spend the last of my vouchers on Lincoln Lawyer with zy!

the exchange of words between the people in the show was awesome. (spoilers ahead)

"Its all about this lawyer (Mick Haller) who is really good at defending his clients. His office is at the back of his chauffeured Lincoln car. He got his break with this friend of his who claimed the help of his trustworthy friend who searches for information about the case from various sources. After obtaining the case file from the police through his friend, Mick notices an uncanny resemblance between this and a case that he had fought for years back. He seeks his friend's help again, and when his friend had some leads to what he was looking for, he receives a call; his friend died. The bullet came from a gun that he had kept at home, an collectors' item, and he was suspected for murder. While his client continued insisting on his innocence, Mike grew increasingly suspicious of him. His client always left a loophole which Mike Haller would uncover after each investigation. He started to search for the truth himself to avenge his friend and to win the case for his client. He eventually finds out the truth, but still wins the case for his client, as he would professionally. The twist comes when his client is arrested again just after the case, for another offence. When he realizes that the client was released due to lack of evidence to charge him, Mike goes on a rush against time to protect his wife and daughter. The story eventually ended with a twist that the actual murderer of his friend was his client's mother."

great film, and i love how it boggles my mind somehow. More than anything else, i get the thinking from this movie that we should always stay clear to our conscience.

okay and then we started wasting time away till i was supposed to meet the girls to celebrate wenyi's bday! :D (belated haha) and guess what we had!

YES RIGHT.

ASTONS.

omg. by now i was so afriad of eating chicken that i ordered fish hahahaha.

and wenyi's bday cake was A BUNCH OF BANANAS WTH HAHAHHA

SO DUPER FUNNY.

31 March 2011

Met Has for breakfast at hougang mall! :D

Super random, and then we sat over there at Macs complaining and complaining about life and everything.

AND SHE FINALLY FOUND A JOB ahahhaha

homed to dk help mom do what.

hehhh

*there'll be an edit on this post. i still have another movie review to do! :D*

#248

2011-03-27T23:00:00.002+08:00

i'm actually lazy to get my scheduler from my grandma to find out what i did over the past few days/weeks/month.

and so i shall just blog randomly because i really need to blog or i will really get mad.

not that i would explain why i am going mad. (:

i notice i love to talk about life whenever i am not feeling very happy.

shall just be random and talk about avril's latest album. when i heard what the hell and read the comments about her at youtube i was very sad. because she is the first female singer that i ever liked listening to. i'm never a listen to rock person but i just like avril's songs. and so, imagine my happiness when i heard her new album. (: it's just as awesome. and somehow, idk if its me, i feel her songs mellowed already, and you can sort of see her growing up with her albums? okay maybe its just me. seriously, her album is awesome. i love everybody hurts, i love you, stop standing there, wish you were here, (im like listing out the whole album alrd) haha

another random thought. i should start packing my table because it's messy and i cant even find my EZ link card. i'm so lazy lately i really just wanna sleep the whole day away. i used to think that sleeping is a waste of time but now i am sleeping almost the whole day. ):

oh i've finally learnt cycling. im so happy i've never been so happy my life. i wish i could stay by the beach in future so i will get to smell the air of the sea every single day when i wake up. no i'm not crazy. somehow i just love this very serene feeling.

oh and i would be going to sri lanka some where in june/july? shall go there to 'find' myself. stay in the mountains and meditate my whole week or two away there. honestly i cant wait. yeah i'm going on again with that finding myself part. i am always finding myself. i always say i want to find myself but i get lost again and again. im really going to isolate myself in the mountains this time and see what i get from it.

oh and i've really got to start preparing for my FTT. because i'm gonna have no time.

AND I SHOULD START CONTINUING ON MY TW TRIP PLANNING. because time is running out and i am still on day 4? ):

okay i shall come back to blog after all these! :D :D

MY MOTIVATION!

#247

2011-03-27T09:32:00.003+08:00

sometimes i really think that my dog thinks that i'm mad or smth. or really weird.

idk im so random. i just suddenly thought of this sentence. but then now when i think about it i have totally nothing to substantiate my statement.

is this a good or bad thing?

okay i'll think of smth.

i'll crack my brains to think of smth.

okay here's the something.

1. i talk gibberish to my dog just so that she will dk what the hell i am saying (seriously i wonder if she actl EVER understands anything besides the usual commands*) and then she will tilt her head.

* commands include mum mum(food!), kai kai (walk walk), sit, por por (carry) = SO LIMITED. oh and she actl selectively decides if she wanna "hear" your commands

2. owners don't like their dogs on their beds right? at least my dad doesn't like it. i always carry my dog to my bed after she had a bath and then i'll play with her there and 'lock' her till i leave the room. and she doesn't like the bed either. but she doesn't like the sofa too. she only likes the red chair which is now a big big cushion only. OH and that brings me to her knowing another 2 commands (red chair and blue chair). she loves sitting on these two chairs (red one more) and whenever i say the word she will get up so very excitedly.

3. i like to tell her to come here, and then play with her a bit and tell her to go away, and when she goes away i'll ask her where are you going? come back! 99 out of 100 times she really does go away and does not turn back. maybe cos she thinks i'm just gonna do it again. but hey! i'll justify my madness by saying that its cos i'm trying to help her exercise by walking more steps!

4. i love to irritate my dog. and when i irritate her and she barks or growls at me, i'll scold her. i'll be like you dare to growl/bark at me! and then i bet she's like confused cos i'm actl the one at fault. i'm not sadistic okay. i just have to stand behind her and pretend i wanna disturb her by touching the ground near her and she'll bark already. she is one cranky old dog. but don't you think its funny. hahaha

5. because i say so. i dont want to leave it at number 4. so i have to think of a 5. i just think she thinks that i'm weird and crazy.

okay i'm really weird. ):

Totally Random

2011-03-05T23:31:00.002+08:00

shall reply tags before anything!

Aaron: did i reply you before? anw it's super updated alrd. LO
Saly: Thank you (:
Kamalia: thanks! but i'm curious, what's the attraction? (:
Claudia: haha thanks! (:
Fina: its a forum?

i wanna talk about the books i've read before! (at least those that i can remember)

Bestest Author of all (at least the one i like): Cecelia Ahern

Books under her name (which i have), [bolded those that i've read]: The Book Of Tomorrow, The Gift, Thanks For The Memories, A Place Called Here, If You Could See Me Now, Where Rainbows End, P.S I Love You

Her new book's coming out. (yes basically i collect all her books.) not the short stories though. idk why haha.

P.S I Love You is one of the most heart wrenching books I've come across. If my memory still works well, its chapter 23, the chapter where her husband was already about to die, but went to the travel agency to book a holiday for his wife to go for after his death touched me the most. I'm not joking when I say that this book really makes you feel like you do want to love someone, and that true love really lasts. Holly goes through her life after the death of Gerry with no direction at all, till she receives a set of letters by Gerry as promised. The story mainly revolves around "The List" and how it manages to help Holly get through life after her husband's death. From the excitement of the minute of each midnight of the 1st of the month, to slowly faded away It mentions 10 things for her to do in 10 months, both little and big. This list brings her through her loss and teaches her the lesson in the sweetest way that time heals all pain, and things get easier as time passes by. Honestly, it really awed me. All the 10 things can seem minute but have such great underlying meanings.

Where Rainbows End is a more light hearted book. Another name for it is Love, Rosie. This story is about two friends, Alex and Rosie, who grew up together since young. They go through their lives in separate worlds as Alex had to move, but made a pact (and kept to it) to continue communicating (via email most of the time). Both have their own families at different points of their lives, are always on different paces therefore always missing out on the opportunities, but find themselves to each other 5o years later. It's just like telling you that if you two are meant to be, nothing can stop you, even if it takes 50 years. And they experienced this silence, this really golden silence which i always feel is magical. "Looking at each other and the whole world just seems to stop. There's suddenly not a single sound, not even the singing of the birds or the wind blowing. It's just the both of them."

If You Could See Me Now is about imaginary friends. The main reason why i can relate to the character is because we both have the same name. Oh yeah maybe i can include the part where we both leave little room for error. Ivan teaches Elizabeth how live should be lived, instead of being in control all the time. She begins to trust him, get over her life issues, and just when everything seems to be falling into place, she realizes that he isn't who she thought he was. This book is cute yet really touching at various parts of the book. I remember how Ivan was told he was not allowed to stay with Elizabeth due to specific reasons, and how broken hearted he was. He actually loved her before she could even see him, before they even talked. And so they eventually went separate ways, and Elizabeth learnt how to relax while Ivan continues to hold on to this very special relationship they once had.

The Book of Tomorrow is a really great book to me. Mostly because it's so timely. Tamara has everything that anyone can have, but she is hardly ever satisfied with it, until one day, when she loses everything suddenly and is forced to give up her lavish lifestyle. While struggling to cope with these painful changes that happened suddenly, Tamara chances upon a diary which magically fills itself up with the following day's events. And it comes to a point of time when she realizes that she can take her chances and change her future. The story unfolds really naturally, with the unexpected events surprisingly linking up together to finally unravel a greatest secret about her parentage, and her mother's past. She learns as she goes through the hard knocks in life by making mistakes, both big and small, and finally grows up with this knowledge that you have to bear the consequences for your actions.

And these are the other random reads I can think of at the moment (maybe cos i just read them awhile ago)

Perks of Being a Wallflower. A great book actually. This writer is awesome because his writing style is so... different. This story spans around a boy called Charlie, who can well be anybody. He writes to this person whom he feels is a good listener and in the letters to this person, he writes about the many things that he go through, including his love, his mistakes, and his depression. And i wont forget how this girl he really loves told him that

"Charlie, don't you get it? I can't feel that. It's sweet and everything, but it's like you're not even there sometimes. It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn't need a shoulder. What if they need the arms or something like that? You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things."

“Like take their hands when the slow song comes up for a change. Or be the one who asks someone for a date. Or tell people what you need. Or what you want. Like on the dance floor, did you want to kiss me?"

This book left me kind of depressed for a little while because of the things that he faced. His posts are passively negative and somehow the negative energy can be passed to you. But you learn abit of something here and there whenever this happens. so i guess its good in a way?

What Alice Forgot mainly teaches you to slow down and relook your lives. Alice lost ten years of her memory and within 10 years, she find herself today going through a divorce with the husband she loved so much, and 3 kids whom she feels she can never control. The book continues through for a large part of the story where she tries to bring her life back into what it was. And i always remember how Nick (her husband) told her that he would know when she regains her memory. She would look at him different. And she really did, he recognized it instantly, when she regained his memory. But could 10 years really change you and your love? Or should you remember to always slow down and spend more time with each other? A marriage falls apart for a very simple reason. both parties stopped trying.

The Notebook has a predictable ending and can be easily followed. i literally finished this book in a day despite the ending. You just want to flip page after page. The story is really heartbreaking and we see another totally devoted man who gives his all to the woman he loves, and this woman, who is willing to give up her riches and stability in life for a man she loves, and finally overcoming what people would call impossible/a miracle.

Cleo The main thing that attracted me to the book was the cover, because of the Blackie. In many ways, they were similar. The same type of energy level, the same type of healing spirit. Cleo was a cat, a black cat that helped in healing a family after the death of someone close. The writing style makes the read a light hearted one though there are instances of my heart wrenching up and my tears falling. Her descriptions of each event are so vivid that i can imagine them in my head and laugh at the comical occasions. Cleo answered me many questions that i had in my mind then. It again teaches you how to cope with loss, a different sort of loss, while dealing with life and the many problems that it brings with.

#246

2011-03-04T09:36:00.003+08:00

It's the end of exams!

*WOOHOOOOOO*

and this means i have graduated (if i didn't fail any modules)

OMT don't make me fail idw to go back study for another half a year and waste my time and hai my GPA. ):

and anyway, after the dreaded exams...

02 Mar 2011

finished LM paper with a very mixed up feeling.

(cos what came out was hardly taught in lectures. its like use ur brain and common sense which really make me think my answers are wrong because... yes sadly, i have no common sense): )

and then yj and i went to cheers to buy papers and then crashed the lib room (for the last time ever) to....

look for jobs.

eh seriously, i really wonder how do people find jobs.

The moment i open and look at the Straits Times page i'm like

"Omg, I'm giddy already."

The television shows make finding jobs so fun and easy.

okay and then yijun started TRYING to convert me to watch gossip girls.

wouldn't say its a bad show but sorry i'm too lazy to load shows.

i take a year to watch a 13 episode thing on youtube. LOL.

and we went for xlb buffet at holland after that.

They had the tiniest mantou ever. we are like super amazed at the size of it. LOL.

people have bite sized cornetto, they have bite sized mantou.

anw we were lousy la, ):

and thanks yijun for the treat (zhuai yi xia)

03 Mar 2011

i think it's gonna be hard to forget this day EVER.

anyway it was my first practical lesson ever.

applied for my pdl and went for the lesson.

OH THANK GOD THE INSTRUCTOR WAS SO KIND AND PATIENT.

although i think he must think i'm really dumb for stalling his car for like 2352462123 times.

i'll never forget how i just step on the accelerator abit and the car was like vrrommmm.

omg my heart race with it.

hahaha!

and my heartbeat just keep pumping very very fast even after 10 minutes have passed.

why is it so exciting to drive ah.

HAHA!

went for FTT e-trial test after that (2 hrs later)

so yeap. i only studied for my FTT for 2 hours, and fell asleep while studying.

and i did 3 tests out of 5. (passed 2 only)

so means i shld buck up.

cos i really no time after coming back from tw.

04 Mar 2011

Met huda to pass her the report, then yijun joined us after that.

we clowned around in the lib, LOL.

*children section* LAUGHS.

and the we went to have lunch tgther afterwards.

and went to PS to see daiso and get the stuffs.

did ashley's card and box (:

before doing more housework ):

*see the emotional upheaval*

05 Mar 2011

HEY THTS TODAY!

had lunch with mom and bro and sis before heading off to ashley's house to celebrate her bday.

PLAYED monopoly deal while waiting for the rest.

oh i super huai nian this game sia.

her sec sch clique really very funny i tell you.

LOL.

then we were playing this game like snap but can be played by alot of people.

its so qi ji.

LOL!

anw just kept laughing at alot of things. even if its not funny. LOL.

but i think at 7 plus i start to seh and stone alrd.

like all the energy sapped alrd.

then we cut cake at 8 plus and headed home at 9 plus!

#245

2011-02-25T14:45:00.002+08:00

READY FOR FEB?

i decided to skip the talkings about school presentations because they are not fun.

and so.

03 Feb 2011

MET COUSIN TODAY! (:

like meet once and she is gonna go back to aussie again ):

and though majority of the shops were closed, we still ventured around.

we went to BK to chat and then went to cold storage to walk around then went to watsons then went to really just walk around aimlessly. i love days like this. just waste the day away with people you love, walk around aimlessly and talk abt really just anything that comes into your mind.

04 Feb 2011

was really rotting at home till i think i would really rot. and then practically woke up when i was told we cant meet at marina sq. and so i finally breathed the fresh air after cooping myself at home TRYING HARD to do my report. starbucks with anqi and zhengyao and then we started walking ard to here and there before finally going home! and i started to face reality of projects again after going home. LOL

08 Feb 2011

Jap youth forum! okay this one must say. cos my group came in second during the competition even though our jap all . . . . . HAHAHA and we had this royce biscuit as prize which i think is niceeee! :D (oh and i think those japanese are cute and shuai. HAHAH!)

09 Feb 2011

TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT! aww my first paid concert! with haslinda :D weeee taylor swift's awesome! and she sang quite alot of those songs which i liked, like enchanted, sparks fly, speak now, back to december, mine, etc! :D and yeah we were one of those bad audience who went to the railings to take a closer look. LOL! and made a new friend from melbourne who came from aussie to see her concert. AWESOME. and haslinda kept going to the toilet again and again cos she was so nervous! HAHA

11 Feb 2011

went to study alone at toa payoh's coffee bean before meeting the rest at night. actl nice ambiance there. :D KBox at Balestier with anqi, yijun, zhengyao and his friend. oh no that name was just on the tip of my brain. oh gosh i hate my memory. and so after singing (they cut off the song automatically one ): ) we went off to eat tauhuay! then we started to go home. we were epic and lost our way. LOL. and something epic while we were waiting for cab. we were waiting for cab also because something epic happened. so it was an epic night overall. LOL. yeah yeah. some white shirt guy stole our cab. (in front of our very own eyes) seriously do these people still exist? take away the mws incident. cos they went opposite to take the cab so they are still nice (: yeah im biased. IDC!

14 Feb 2011

went to school to take final test for CCM. okay CCM is down im so glad. :D then went to jurong point's starbucks to wait for A.DLH! and someone late luh. and i can see how those people stop people and laughing at those couples who were holding bears. omg they are so mean. then ate at kopitiam after tht because wendys was too crowded! HOMEEEEEEEEEED!

16 & 17 Feb 2011

Etrial test and BTT! okay i passed. but it was really easy i realized. like i jing zhang for nothing. stupid me. but i know FTT's gonna be diff ):

18 Feb 2011

went to study at novena's starbucks in the afternoon cos there was a dinner there at night. i like that place. and i finished a book there. i mean storybook. LOL. its that nice to do things that u like. HAHA! gosh my lao ma make me angry can. late for like one hour 20 min and when i call to ask nicely where were they she was like dont ask me stupid qns can. grrrr. with my temper, i would alrd have been omw home if its my friend! oh and dinner was not very . . . nice. HAHA

19 Feb 2011

overnight study at cathay's starbucks after watching no strings attached with yijun! actually i like tht movie. idk how come i can sort of relate to the female lead's thinking. and i like one statement by the guy

"If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

This guy has got the whole essence there in this sentence.

21 Feb 2011

overnight study with wenyi at mac! and there was this realization i made but up till tdy still cant rmb. okay i vaguely remember saying this but i'll say this again. "i hate my memory" ): and there was this table of guys who cmi after 5am and zao. one was frm NP. LOL. (we win :D) bought breakfast for family and slept till ten before studying againnnnnn

25 Feb 2011

BURNS IF (:

oh and i spend like majority of my weekends at liang court with yijun doing proj/studying haha!

#244

2011-02-09T12:12:00.004+08:00

i'll just do everything except prepare for my exams.

i should stop procrastinating!

okay update! :D

it's been so long since i updated that i know there's gonna be lots of updating to do.

LOL.

thank god i have a planner/scheduler to keep my life in check.

who invented it? really a genius. cfm a market cos people like me forget their plans.

i'm looking out for really brave things to do in 2011.

milestone kind of thing. :D

31 Dec 2010

Met ashley to study tgther!

successfully finished my jap homework while she was revising her korean.

Mac is really conducive at clarke quay!

Met yijun, then LY, then Amanda, then Audrey, then Zhengyao for dinner at Central!

aww man, watami was full! ):

their food's really good.

then they exchanged presents and tadah!

we went off to walk around and check out helipad.

ended up choosing to sit by the river.

THEN LAST MIN MOVE TO JOIN THE BIG CROWD.

01 Jan 2011

spent the last few minutes of 2010 and first few minutes of 2011 with the girls.

i like clarke quay better when it's all quiet because it's so relaxing.

homed after that to sleep.

Went to K with yijun in the morning till like 6pm.

then went to walk around i think before going homeeee.

02 Jan 2011

i think we started this day by studying/chionging projects. why my planner didnt state. LOL i'm so dependent on my planner. and on the 03 Jan, School reopen. so its been a bore. JOKING. because school is hectic the moment it opened. ):

and so nothing exactly exciting happened, except

08 Jan 2011

Went Kbox with wenyi, youwei and his friend nicholas! i think all four of us are so funny. cos we are sick and can barely talk (don't say sing) but we still meet to sing cos i think paisei to back out like last minute. HAHA.

now that i check my planner, i realize i haven't been working since 13 Jan. (means no extra income, means bank a/c depreciate, means i'm unhappy ): )

19 Jan and 26 Jan 2011

Jap final test and speaking test. im gonna graduate with a diploma plus which i dont think i would mention about. oh i hate myself. LOL

22 Jan 2011

went for NTU talk but then somehow in the end. we ended up at marina square's Kbox after lunch at hans. why are we always doing this sort of epic things uh, yijun and zhengyao. okay nvm, the talk was boring. HAHA. headed to somerset after that to pass weifei the uni stuffs. i realize i am very good at psychoing. but i always psycho people and end up taking another route. ALWAYS. then went to audry's event at scape and bought badges, which we... (talk abt this later)

23 Jan 2011

went for LY's event at scape. toured around orchard and then ended up buying takeaway at swensens. Caught Burlesque after that, and homed after dinner! (think burlesque is a nice show btw)

29 Jan 2011

Finally went to walk ard in NEX after K-ing at Hougang Mall's Kbox. First time i went for Klunch. (didnt know it existed haha) and SUJU is breathing same air as us. (quote ashley) and then supposed to chomp chomp but smth happened and i had to go off~~

30 Jan 2011

NEX again! with fam. we went to have CJ xiao chu! :D eh the food's nice. though i think the price is abit... im so hooked up on the buy a watch thing. I TELL U ALL THE WATCH I LIKE!

okay la look smth like this. but like not exactly the same. cos the one i like has a small clockwork at the lower part of the watch. that moves! the second hand. omg i like. HAHA. but no its out of budget. see only la huh. OH I FOUND IT. its here!

okay and that marks the end of Jan (:

*relook your life.

#243

2011-02-03T11:16:00.002+08:00

i want to talk about life.

Are you one of those people who meet with setbacks and think of giving up everything?

everything includes life.

After having gone through so many happenings last year,

I realized that nothing is going to ever be strong enough to put you down, except yourself.

It boils down to your thinking.

If you choose to self-despair, and choose to not be able to stand up after you fall, even if there are a hundred of psychologists out there, none of them can help you.

Why?

Because you already made up your mind.

It's simple.

I know sometimes the matters that we are faced with might be overwhelming, we might not be able to face it right away,

we might hide.

we might push it aside.

but it's not a long term solution,

because something would happen to trigger off the tears again.

but it's perfectly alright to push it aside till you can find a solution.

I do it all the time.

What is really important is that you must be able to face up to your emotions each time.

You think anyone really cares if you died today?

yeah they will, but what's the use then?

you ended every suffering for yourself.

but you passed them all onto those people who cared for you.

There are people out there,

fighting for their dear life.

people who really live life like there is no tomorrow.

Fact is,

we could all do this.

All we've gotta do is be contented.

It's really a simple concept.

But people seem to always do things the complicated way.

I think we should all slow down and relook our own lives.

2010-12-23T13:37:00.003+08:00

i've always believed that you reap what you sowed.

that's logical right?

if you're nice, people would treat you nice.

if you're mean, people would treat you mean too.

this is still logical, and still applies... only to theory.

i don't think i'm a mean person.
neither do i think i have been fake or too self centered.

so why am i being dealt with this?

that's right.

i am hardly able to sympathize with anyone anymore.

don't even try comparing me with those unfortunate people in the third world countries because i'm not there. i don't know them. they don't know me either. but the difference? they have the worldwide coverage, i don't. you think people would give a damn about what is going on in my life now? yes, only those few.

and it's only those few who would be there.

the rest of you? go think about it yourself.

i'm done with giving a damn about you people because you don't really care about me.

since you hardly bother to be there, don't expect me to give anything to you anymore.

i'm tired enough trying to mend my own heart.

i can't be bothered with you anymore.

in Oct, i found out something that changed my life 360 degrees.

i'm not exaggerating.

in the same month, before i even had the chance to take a breather,

my grandpa and grandma were in and out of the hospital one after another.

my brother went into the hospital too.

grandpa had a bad fall and needed stitches on his head.

he was diagnosed with tongue cancer there.

grandma had samonella poisoning.

brother fell down while on bike and broke his ankle.

and then he is diagnosed with some form of disorder there.

when grandpa could be discharged, grandma was discharged.

when grandma was discharged, grandpa was admitted again.

for almost 2 months, i had to go through this.

and my other grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer.

before i had a chance to take a break from all these in the month of december,

i had a fall a week back.

my knees have been injured and has got worse from the constant kneeling every night.

my parents only found out about it a few days later.

i sprained my ankle.

my parents never knew it.

my grandparents passed away.

one after another,

in two days.

grandma passed away on fri night.

grandpa passed away on sun morning.

i cry almost every day, but so what?

i'm so bitter with life now.

today is the day of cremation of grandma, and i am not allowed to send her off because you are not allowed to go to two funerals.

that's right.

try being me.

#241

2010-12-13T22:53:00.003+08:00

Aaron: HAHA there! updated!

ONE MONTH OF NO BLOGGING.

oh man.

i survived it. HAHA

finally common tests are over!

*pops champagne*

actually its maddening when i try to blog now cos i can't rmb what i did alrd ):

20 November 2010

yay! brought the japanese interns ard Bugis today

haha i feel so suaku bringing them around because i am exploring as I bring them around.

we had to use google maps to locate arab street and i saw haji lane!

wah i feel v accomplished :D

COS FOR ONCE IM THE ONE LEADING THE WAY!!!

hahahhahaahahahah.

okay whatever, i'm not going to listen to anyone who suans me.

22 November 2010

went to find ashley at NTU to study cos i have e learning week

and while studying we were muching on food.

i like NTU.

nono i love NTU

LOL!

it's so freaking big that i think i would get lost even after studying there for like 10 years.

24 November 2010

i went to bishan lib today.

very moody.

really miss the peace.

25 November 2010

went PC fair with sis!

and then we went to find yijun at work for lunch cos her workplace is near expo.

(im so niceeeeeeeeeee)

then i went to promenade with sis cos she need go work.

from there i went home! :D

(haha and my sister felt like the older of both of us, cos she told me to call her if i lost my way)

*TOUCHED!*

dinner with dad and mom at some buffet restaurant.

the food is v nice! :D

but its an exp place. hoho

26 November 2010

with a very happy stomach and feeling, i went for my bcomm interview

HAHA.

oh but it was crazy.

i was mad nervous.

HAHA

str after the interview, when the teacher told me to sit beside her so she could go thru my stuffs,

MY FACE TURNED RED.

oh gosh.

i bet she thinks i'm hilarious.

LOL.

homed after that! :D

27 November 2010

went all the way to dover with yijun for LY's event

took photos and Polaroid there!

bought alot of stuffs and drinks.

(yet to upload oops)

i'll do everything by latest tmr.

PROMISE!

and then went to PC fair to get my netbook and sis's camera.

my moolahhh.

okay let it fly away.

AND THERE WAS A FLEA MARKET THERE.

omgoodness.

they sold the card that i think is damn nice and cool and lalalallalala (Y) la!

LOL

then we cabbed to

02 December 2010

LY's birthday today!

i'm a professional liar i think.

she believed me like totally.

haha when i think back at those lies.

i dk how i thought of them gosh.

05 December 2010

stand chart marathon as volunteer!

im gonna join as participant next time,

and have people serving me water.

LOL!

we went to report at 1 am.

collect our stuff and all alrd,

then waited ard and slacked till 4 plus am 5?

LOL

then busy awhile jiu pack up alrd.

WE ENDED AT LIKE 8AM LA.

but logistics caused us to only end at 10.

and then i went home,

shower,

and study my JLPT.

no its really cui.

i was damn cui when i went for my test at 2 plus.

I DOZED OFF WHILE DOING MY TEST.

that's how epic i was.

so tired):

and when i got home i started to do my CCM individual assignment

im going mad.

LOL.

11 December 2010

had LM common test

and for some reason i was zi highing at the bus stop.

LOL

went to find yijun after my common test

went to her hse and ATTEMPTED to study for IF while she baked cookies.

hahaha its damn funnnnny!

12 December 2010

clarke quay to study!

(L) liang court!

and i went to buy a pudding to eat.

yummmmmmy

but i still like cup walker's best.

13 December 2010

IF common test today!

i felt v not prepared ):

went to sign up for driving str after that.

ahhh its so scary going there alone.

I FEEL SO BRAVE

its the bravest thing i have/will do in 2010.

LOL.

blood donation is #1 on my list for 2011's must do!

I SHALL OVERCOME MY FEAR OF NEEDLES TO SAVE THREE LIVES.

went to find girls at far east.

oh gosh.

someone please invent a microchip that is preinstalled with maps to insert into brains

i'll buy it.

LOL.

i walked to taka and realized i am walking in wrong direction and walk back.

so i didnt eat dinner cos i arrived late.

(overslept)

OH GOSH I HAVE TO START SLEEPING MY DAYS AWAYYYY

#240

2010-11-19T18:48:00.006+08:00

Xiaopei: who are you ah. impersonator!
Aaron: i think the songs are nice can! what noisy!

shit lah i keep listening to taylor swift's songs.

not that its bad, but on repeat!?

and this singer from thailand called sabrina is not bad too.

i want blog blog blog!

got the feel come back alrd.

hahaha!

13 November 2010

movie marathon with mad people!

due date with yj and zy

then we went to find ly and yt cos unstoppable starts at 7plus.

(FIRST TIME I GO IMM)

and while we were waiting for free shuttle bus there,

we saw a bus catered for a wedding one.

WAH DAMN COOL CAN.

but why bus.

LOL.

whatever, its not my wedding anw.

hahaha!

unstoppable with ly and yj

the movies were nice leh.

i liked due date cos it was super hilarious!

and i liked unstoppable cos the whole movie was thrill after thrill.

homed!

14 November 2010

chinatownnn todayyyy

WEEEEE~~

supposed to look for those travel agencies to find out more about Taiwan.

the stores were closed.

LOL

so we just walked around some weird place.

but i like that place.

HAHA!

i like CHINATOWN.

then we went to eat the nice nice nice porridge near outram park station.

super nice.

i want go eat porridge again hahaha!

15 November 2010

school end then homed.

LOL

16 November 2010

school ended at only 6pm!

omgod.

then i went to Jurong Point to find ashley!

we ate budget food at the kopitiam and walked aimlessly as usual.

cos we talk rubbish while walking.

HAHHA

jurong point alrd has christmas decorations le!

jurong point is so big.

we try so hard to find the ATM but we couldn't find it.

in the end.

its at FAIRPRICE.

walao.

epic.

we alrd gave up finding then it appeared.

hahaha!

17 November 2010

heh heh.

WO MEN TODAY GO EAT CJ BUFFET!

ahhhhhhhhh i super xiang nian my kimchi pancake

and and and all the food that i miss.

LOL.

i swear im not gg to sit outside if we ever go there and eat again.

so unfair.

everyone's gonna think that im the one that eats all the nan gua bing!

when its that yj and zy who is the one eating all the nan gua bing.

(yj i fair to you okay.)

ZY EAT THE MOST NAN GUA BING!

and eat very silently somemore

we look away then look back and its GONE alrd.

*u see the chopstick at the bottom of the picture. is ZY trying to steal the nan gua bing again!

and i went to jog after going home frm AMK! :D

18 November 2010

No school today,

but i went to the hospital today.

visited both grandpa and grandma.

i feel so sad when i see grandpa.

his hands are wrapped in gloves cos he has the tendency to pull out the tubes subconsciously.

he looks so lifeless.

so heart wrenching to see it.

to think that that basket son actl didn't want to admit him in.

condition alrd so critical alrd.

slap his face!

grandma said smth that made me feel like crying.

shan't post it here though.

forced my sis to queue at popeyes with me cos i wanted to eat their biscuit.

went jogging with sis (finally she said she wanna go jogging!)

when i was walking back my legs were in pain,

i almost couldn't walk properly.

how can this happen to me ):

19 November 2010

okay that's todayyyy!

ended school at 11am cos i decided to skip lecture to come home earlier to take a rest,

and get started on Jap.

that's right. i took a rest but Jap hasn't been touched yet omt.

stupid me.

supposed to go with mum to the maid agency today too.

but she is too lazy to go.

=.=

oh man i dont want a maid to stay in the house.

it freaks me out!

what if i wake up and suddenly she is staring at me!?

okay STOP scaring myself.

and no, you were never there when i needed you,

so dont come around now,

i really dont need you.

so, get lost.

#239

2010-11-13T10:34:00.003+08:00

hoho!

ages since i came over here to blog (:

MY TWITTER AND HANDPHONE IS REALLY WEIRD.

i can't sign in twitter and my phone cannot send out SMSes.

(Y) ):

school is really hectic.

actl not hectic.

just a drag.

i just keep wanting to go home and sleep.

gosh.

i mustn't do this anymore.

i'm super happy now because i am going for a movie marathon today!

nvm escape can wait (for another few weeks? ): )

boooooooooooooooo

but i want to go watch movieeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

okay i should stop whining.

it's irritating even me.

and shall go over to IMM from causeway point to go help LY and YT do survey :D

then they can get 3 bucks! :))

yayyy!

(my only off day)

i shall only drop back to earth tmrw.

btw, happy birthday to you.

stay happy ^^

2010-11-11T11:15:00.002+08:00

blahhhh.

i think i have such a ~~tiring~~ draining life.

but hey, i dont go around telling the whole world about this because i really don't want sympathy.

though i do hope that you people would stop hoping for me to keep giving and giving, because this is just what i find myself no longer capable of doing.

okay i digressed alrd.

what i wanted to do was to write a letter to someone, someone whom i really am unable to see eye to eye with.

*in case any of you come back 4-6 years down the road later to 'settle scores', i'll just make it clear now that if you think i am referring to you, then it's you. and i gather you should self reflect rather than coming back to settle these kind of scores because if a person like me can only see the bad side of you, it means you are really pretty bad and don't have much good points.*

oh, and btw, come to me directly if you wanna know the truth, don't go to my parents. so downright embarrassing for yourself.

**disclaimer: read this with an objective view

i've never liked you much after all those stories that i heard about you since i was young. seriously, who would like a person who did black magic on his own family members, not even letting off young children of 4-6 years of age? who would like a person whose kids were such bullies and went around pinching us each time they saw us, leaving us blue blacks? but still, i tell myself to take these comments about you with a pinch of salt. they were stories that were already over, and i can't remember anything about it. those were your kids, since they are unable to behave, i guess they are just too wild. i give you the respect whenever i see you, but to the bare minimum.

i've seldom seen you around, probably because you were never around fulfilling your responsibilities. if you were, i would have definitely heard about you once or twice. and i quote from someone dear to me, "when your parents were well and healthy, u took off, running away from your responsibilities." you left the responsibilities to someone else, and now what are you back for?

what do you have to say about yourself? as much as i would still like to think of you as an okay person, i'm sorry to say that i can't bring myself to.

your mother was down with stomach flu and what were you doing? sitting in the hall the whole day, watching television. are you sure that you are able to take care of her when she goes over to where you are at when she is older?

your father was lying on the hospital bed, looking very frail, and what did you do? took your own sweet time to get to the ward, and when you were there, u went to every other person's bed instead of your own dad's and continued talking to others. when you finally came over you actually said that he looked better? were you actually around during the family meetings when they were mentioning that he is very depressed and wanted the doctor to end his life if he couldn't undergo the operation or were you fantasizing about the amount of money you were going to receive?

i don't see how your supplements are going to save his life. if you don't have money (which you do since you are always claiming you have 2324525234 maids at home) then u put in the effort. but you do nothing and hope to receive everything.

hi, but get back down to earth.

you're so great with your words and i think its very clear to everyone, including bystanders, what kind of person you are. every action that you took which i saw with my own eyes and heard with my own ears just made me feel that you are out to fight for that one thing.

you're not a good person at all. downright to the bones. don't talk about seniority and respect whenever the topic comes in because you have done nothing and deserve the same in return. you reap what you sow, sir. and the amount of great things you have done for those orphans over there are really not enough to make up for the bad karma that you have accumulated towards your own family.

so long,

from: karma awaits you.

#238

2010-10-25T09:40:00.002+08:00

23 October

visited grandpa in the hospital today.

so very sad ):

his fall is real bad,

and i'm actually very worried that he won't pull through the possible operation tmrw

gosh i really hope he can pull it through.

24 October

visited grandma,

went to compass point with her cos she wanted to get a wheelchair.

then homed while rest of family went out for dinner~

left house at 7 plus to take bus to lavender to meet yj and zy for dinner.

yay i finally ate my happy chef again! :D

happpppyyyyy happpppyyyyyy! ((:

happy chef makes me happy.

hahaha!

okay and then we went homeeeeeee

#237

2010-10-24T08:43:00.002+08:00

going to make a superb attempt to blog whatever happened.
(going to be very hard.)
*looks at last update*
okay forget it.
i just blog whatever i can remember.
LOL.

i need the pity as my brains are kind of malfunctioning.

thank god i have a planner, though i seldom update hahaha!

03 October

chomp chomp before going to KBox today! ((:

i missed my 136 and had to take bus to train to serangoon int.

as usual zy scare me and yj is there laughing.

LOL.

then all of us walked out (when we could take the bus from int) to take bus.

waited super long for the bus then we waited super long for a seat.

HOHO.

i like the chicken wings.

but i still cannot find my cup walker pudding.

did it disappear or smth?

now i'm so sad.

to date i haven't found that cup walker pudding!

okay then we cabbed to go sing K at hougang while zy went off to teach his cousin.

04 October

work and then trained to JP to meet ashley for movie!

WE WERE DAMN EPIC KAY.

ashley bought snacks for her hostel,

then we had to smuggle that into the cinema,

even though we were not gg to eat it,

HAHAHA EPIC

we watched 'the other guys'

i think its a freaking funny movie i just kept laughing.

LOL!

then we went to walk around before i headed home.

when i was walking home from heartland mall,

i swear i noticed someone familiar at the bus stop.

*TA-DAH!*

it was EC hahahaha.

weeeeeeeeee~

very happy. hahahah!

08 October

chomp chomp again with yj!

determined to find my pudding.

but failed again

(though we lied to zy and said we found the legendary pudding while he ate his half priced sushi)

met my cousin when we were alrd going to finish our food.

haha!

then they sat beside us haha!

went on to fairprice after that to buy fruits.

and then homeeee~

09 October

accompanied mom out to town to collect stuff, etc.

ate at dtf. (:

MY XIAOLONGBAOOOO~

walked all the way to far east plaza there to take 132 home

cos she has a free bus ride.

wth right.

tsk.

homed to bake cookies!

10 October

Family dinner before heading off to orchard to meet aq, yj and zy for KBox.

HOHO.

i was super late because i left dinner late.

hahaha.

and then after K we walked to the bus stop so that aq can take bus and we went homeeee~

13 October

super impromptu KBox session at Downtown East.

HAHAHA.

and yj late again cos she can't leave work on time.

so met zy first and we went to buy sushi and cup walker to smuggle in.

(damn epic cos i did the same thing the other time round lol!)

16 October

Bugis TopOne KTV from 11am to 6pm.

hosei.

yj late cos she go home take phone.

then met zy first and we go fairprice to buy the super big hello panda and chips.

i still rmb hello panda price to date leh.

it's 5.80

OKAY RANDOM.

then cos its 11 we go in first.

wahhh the cigarette smell seriously dk come from where,

but then after that like disappear lol.

after that we went to walk around at illuma.

*feel like buying a watch suddenly hahaha*

17 October

work half day,

then met mom after work cos she want to collect some stuff at centrepoint~

went to buy straws before going home.

GOSH THE STRAWS NO MATTER HOW MANY I FOLD STILL SAME LEVEL ):

18 October

met yj at whitesands for dinner.

at first we said eat Mad Jack but we were all not hungry,

so we ended up going to Xin Wang to have dim sum.

LOL.

then halfway zy and yl came to find us,

but we were still eating so they go cut hair first.

then we finished go find them,

shortwhile later LY came to find us.

then we cab there LOL cos we though no more shuttle bus to aloha loyang.

i miss that place actl.

remind me of sec 1 class haha

KCC chalet.

supposed to drop by then end up staying till 2 plus am.

reached home at 3am,

*couldn't sleep wth!*

ended up sleeping only at about 4am.

*and its cos i went to sofa to sleep okay!*

(think i got jian ming, LOL)

but i seriously think the sofa is damn hell of a good to sleep onnnnnnn

19 October

went to raffles city to collect my pay!

then i headed home.

wanted to go jogging buy MP3 FLAT.

then go home charge abit want go jogging before meeting dada and has!

but dozed off.

booooo.

THANK GOD people SMSed me.

omg.

hahahha.

for the first time im not angry for being awoken,

LOL!

went to have KFC before going to walk around and then have dessert at kopitiam.

then homed (:

21 October

Queenstown Ikea with Yul!

hehe.

then went to hgm to find has for dessert.

trained to pioneer to find zx to get photocopy IC.

trained home!

sounds like super little things but i was out for the whole day!

hahaha,

i love train rides :D

22 October

worked half day

*super feel like quitting now,

cos uniform super ugly and i bth some people there*

met ZX and his gf to collect her photocopy IC

met SM at novena to pass her all the photocopy IC

she told me to wait with her for her boyf.

her boyf took a long time to get there.

and then i faster cab to expo cos it was 4.30 and i supposed to meet zy at 4.30.

omg right,

and when i was on the cab,

the uncle kept talking to me about computers.

and internet

and those videos.

omg.

i actl think he is very funny.

LOL!

and after that went to walk around in the expo and finally bought my mouse

weeeee~

my mouse is white and i think its super cute and its good to use too.

HAHAHA!

trained to tampines to meet yj

then three of us went to IKEA again

had dinner and walked around.

(iwantikeafurnitureeeeeee)

oh, i seriously need a netbook.

please return me my money u idiots.

2010-10-12T17:18:00.001+08:00

You Are Eloquent

You are a warm, open, and talkative person. You express yourself well.

You say whatever is on your mind, but you say it with class and grace.

You are passionate and persuasive. You have a lot of opinions, and you tend to convince other people you're right.

You enjoy spirited debate, and you believe in the power of works. You are a lucid thinker and a vivid speaker.

The Argyle Test

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

2010-10-03T14:15:00.002+08:00

gahhhh.

didn't want to post initially but i just cannot fight the temptation when i feel that i have nothing to do.

sometimes i wonder why do i have to make my life sound so miserable.

do i get the satisfaction out of pity from others or do i just like the fact that my life is not happy?

this is so sick.

i don't get it these days.

Why on earth do i choose to be upset and unhappy, dwelling on those things that are already over for such a long time when i can choose to be happy and accept everything else coming into my life.

it sounds silly reprimanding myself but i seriously don't get it.

I can't stand the fact that people like me keep using their brains to think about those dumb and negative stuff when they can look on the other side and be happy.

WHAT'S WITH COMPETITION ON WHO IS LEADING A SADDER LIFE?

wtf?

like seriously.

i think my life is happy.

so there!

#236

2010-09-30T23:01:00.001+08:00

i just came back from jogging.

whoosh.

feel kind of better after the 3.2K,

but the sharp pain in my legs came back.

seriously what's wrong with me...

i think that's like the only thing that i did today apart from working, lolllllllllll

up till now,

i still can't believe that i forgot about release of results.

LOL.

and that's tomorrrowwww.

i not qi dai at all sia.

am i weird or what.

oh gosh.

i want to eat MAC BREAKFAST LEH

#235

2010-09-30T08:59:00.003+08:00

27 September

today felt so quiet.

i can't actually remember what happened today.

OHH.

went jogging with joyce after work today.

we went to the stadium and run about 5 rounds.

lol she wanted to walk the 5th round but the bell ring so i said RUN.

ahhahaha.

28 September

met yijun at void deck.

she was teaching Joanne while I was continuing on my own work.

then i finished that bit,

so i was folding stars.

bought dinner from my fav western food stall (in tat whole coffee shop)

LOL.

*anybody on for the nice western food down at lavendar?*

29 September

work was very upsetting today cos i just couldn't seem to get anything right.

super demoralized.

i felt like i was getting paid for doing things wrong or smth.

went to find yijun at Pasir Ris after work.

we went to sing K.

super impromptuuuu.

actl wanted to go watch some movie

but the timing is like omt lousyyyy.

so we ended up at KBox.

homed after that~

walked home from hougang mall. lol.

pasar malam was still open lah omt.

idk if it's the songs playing or what,

i had a super strong urge to jog/run home.

but of course i didn't!

and idk what's wrong with me.

the two sides of my stomach or smth is in pain.

PS its only been 2 days but i really miss jogging all of the sudden.

PPS i'm feeling very sad, and i hate this feeling. can i like just forget about all this and be happy again? ):

tag replies only (:

2010-09-30T00:22:00.003+08:00

who thee: Weeeeeeeee yes yes yes, eh any chance we can get discount for USS :D hahhaa!
yijun: i like go away. u where not happy. i ask u to get one, also never call u a despo! I DIDNT TALK ABT MWS ALRD! mws disappear alrd!
SIYUN: Lol. ya, where u die to huh. LOL. oh ya the 10 dollars! faster qian money pay money! LOL
yu loon: which part happening? LOL. OMG I ACTL GOT IT WRONG LOL ME. hahahaha

2010-09-30T00:20:00.002+08:00

It's getting harder and harder to go home with a smile on my face.

i would take the longer route on my way back home.

i would take the lift that is further away from the first floor.

i would open the letterbox even if i feel that it's already been opened.

i would drag my feet and walk slowly.

what happened to the happiness and joy of returning home?

randommm

2010-09-27T22:43:00.002+08:00

Go away's nice.

i am super addicted to the chorus i dk why.

i think i'm very weird.

i am actually addicted to the feeling that i get when i jog and the wind comes to my face.

(really like when you walk also got wind)

hahahaha

and i like to jog and nod my head/ move my hand according to the beat of the song.

i'm so weird omg!

#234

2010-09-27T17:34:00.004+08:00

just an update before getting back to my work again!

haven't been posting a lot here lately.

not that my life is not happening or what.

LOL,

i'm just lazy.

and i also found other mediums to get rid of whatever i am thinking of.

18 Sep all the way to 25th September.

omg...

18 September 2010

oh yes, we went for a budget outing on this day. however, some woman epic fail on staying ON BUDGET lah. maybe a budget outing needs a plan. like a business plan. i think i should get started on it. so that i can execute my budget outing plan one day. teeheee. then in the plan i should include the dress code, the exact schedule, and blah blah blah. omgosh talking about this actually makes me feel excited what the hell!

19 September 2010

worked half shift at CJ before going home for family dinner at clarke quay. i rmb i super hate that day. dinner's not bad lah, got sharks fin hehe. then the waitress damn epic. tell her dont take away cover she go take away my stove. ): RAR!

20 September

work (dk if i went jogging. hmmm)

21 September

work, but went to meet yijun at hougang mall to shop for her mug. LOL. had dinner too~~

22 September

beloved cousin's birthday! oh man i miss her. every time this happens i think about why i rejected the offer to Australia. so darn irritating of myself. but then.. aiyo i miss my cousin lah! i actually can't wait to fly over to Australia. Any rich friends for company? ((:

met ashley down at jurong point for dinner. omg she celebrated my bday there. okay im super surprised de lor. because i never expected it. then i saw a cake box but i thought she was buying it for her breakfast. she still lied to me and say that she later want to order cake, ask them to leave the menu there. i totally got cheated. LOL. and then i went off home to celebrate my mooncake festival. LOL.

23 September

work again. went jogging?

24 September

work also. met poly year 1 clique for dinner at pasta de waraku at heeren. super long didnt see them! kind of miss them and the random outings that we used to have! went home after dinner cos i had to complete my work.

25 September

oh this update's fast. i'm at 25 Sep alrd! :D met poly clique at vivo city for 'picnic' took quite alot of funny pictures? LOL

damn im tired alrd.

LOL

#233

2010-09-26T22:05:00.009+08:00

just changed my blogskin.

i swear its tiring.

since i sat on this super not comfy chair about 1 and a half hours ago,

i've been editing this skin.

LOL.

okay maybe i might have been distracted abit.

hehe.

That's not the pointtttt.

okay my point is here.

today's my birthday! (:

yeah i have yet to thank everyone on facebook yet.

then there's the silent contributors to my birthday too.

and there's the noisy ones too of course.

haha!

seriously how do i start.

i know you all are dying to see ur names appear.

LOL.

shall keep the suspense longer by crapping.

hey like this i get a longer blog post okay!

i'm cranky alrd.

i'll thank the facebook people on facebook,

and i'll thank the silent and noisy contributors here zokay!

i go by alphabeted group, and then alphabet lah hor, easier. (: okay i dun think u get what i mean. lol.

Ashley: woman, i know you hate the fact that you seem to always find out about what's going on through my head in my blog. dui bu qi. ): but want me to pick up the phone and send one super long sms on how sad i am i just somehow can't do it.. i digressed alrd. lol.

very gan dong with the mini celebration on zhong qiu jie, it really cheered me up (: the present that you buy for me is buy from someone who need help de, idk why i hear alrd feel happy. haha! i read ur super long letter present to me liao. i get what u mean, and alot of those stuffs was what i think is true. haha!

anw, although i know u for about 2 years?, i think we only got close since late last last year? haha. i still rmb i first saw u during a wed morning shift leh. (if i rmb correctly) LOL. i dk why i didnt have sch. but ya. then after that i seldom saw u, and then all of a sudden u were celebrating my birthday with my year1 poly clique and joyce plus yijun and my family. then we decorated AMK's outlet tgther with ric, celebrated ur birthday and many others, went out together to eat, shop, etc etc. i guess its been a long way? haha. i cherish u as my (beloved) friend, even though u are now at the other part of singapore. SO FAR AWAY. nvm when sch reopens i can go find u easier haha! (:

Yuloon: Mummmyy, haha when i read ur letter it really felt like my mother was writing a letter to me! i'm totally surprised when my mum came home with a super thick envelope. i thought a secret admirer mailed me a love letter! haha JOKING ok. i've been so busy and LAZY that i just didn't make an effort to meet up with you, causing u to have to mail me my present ): but i'm super touched that you still mailed me the present, if it was me i think i would just tear up the letter and use the notebook for myself ):

when i read ur letter i actually felt like i was a really great person, u praised me up to the skies alrd. what if i fall down? haha, but i'm appreciative of what you did! ((:

i've known u since orientation camp? and the moment u passed me the letter at the end of orientation camp, i dk why, but i just felt that u are a friend for the keeps (: we've been more of a moral support to each other? hardly talking to one another in real life but staying in touch online or through SMSes, ranting to each other, etc. nevertheless, u are a great friend, and do tell me when anything big (small also can) happens in ur life zokay! ((:

Haslinda: OMG you sickooo! u actl came to my house from hougang ave 8 just to celebrate my birthday at 12AM. (and i didnt even realize that u guys came into my house oops) haha, i'm really grateful to you for this, and also very touched by the cake that you and joyce made for me! (: omg, haha, i dont have the pictures, but please dont post them up onto facebook or twitter omggosh!

my first impression of u was when we were both reporting to school with our parents (i forgot for what) but we were in the hall. and u were sitting diagonally across me. omg u, u sat like a gangster can, and ur mum was like scolding u for that. yes i still rmb it to this day. LOL. it's so funny how one person can have such a sweet smile but is super sadistic on the inside. omg. i rmb always getting hit and pinched by you ): poor poor me. we seldom get to meet up, but im thankful that i started using twitter, then we both get updated with each other's going ons. every time i need a baking buddy, i think i just need to find u, haha. always on one! and thanks for the cakeee again! (u're always baking cakes for my birthday! hahaha)

Huda: why do u have attachment!! u shld like get MC! haha, actl i'm super touched by ur SMS today. it was so timely. i was feeling sad at that point of time that when i saw ur msg, i was so touched that i felt like crying!

suddenly i rmb how we were in the same class but were not close till sec 3 when we both we dumped into 3E2. everyone was so unfamiliar to us that we could only cling on to each other! i think that's not a bad deal. haha! then we would go out together after school to compass point, comics connection (really crazy over our idols lol! okay maybe its just me haha), buying blueberry waffle after that, and me making stupid contented noises, walking over to the rivervale plaza bus stop and me making my face at u whenever ur bus came first. studying for O's together in sec 4, going out tgther randomly to watch shows or eat dinner. haha! i'm really glad that i made such an independent friend like you. somehow i do get influenced and i myself started becoming more independent and strong ((: STAY STRONG AND HAPPY okay!

Joyce: u're another epic one. seriously, i know we stay very near but lol. why do u and haslinda always come find me when i just woke up or when i am about to sleep? lol. then im super cui. still take the photos. omg. touched and grateful that u and haslinda baked the cake for me since 10am in the morn, and super surprised that its a success! okay im damn bad. haha, but ya, touched okay!

i still rmb how the short one year of same classmates brought us to what we are today. now that i think about it, our class was kinda havoc? haha. i still rmb how funny it is that you could call me at the end of the class but i wouldnt hear it. junxi would hear it instead. when he is further away. i guess as friends we do have our fair share of ups and downs. we just stopped talking for like one plus year in sec 3? and then we were suddenly preparing for o levels together with huda, etc. its funny how mac never chased us out when we occupied their 'best' seats and bought in sweettalk drinks to drink now that i come to think of it. our group always does the weirdest things. anw, i'm thankful that i got to know you, (:

actl i was in a super bad mood today, because i had to ownself call the dinner place and book dinner, buy my own cake and prepare the candles on my own at home. omw to somerset to meet u guys (i didnt know who's coming, only know is a big group lol.) i was really contemplating to just say im sick and then go some weird and random place to spend the day alone. seriously, the whole journey i was thinking of places and excuses. i even thought about going to the playground that i always go to when im sad, punggol park and SPCA la. okay but i dk where SPCA is and the rest are too near my hseeee. lol. throughout the whole journey i kept playing sad songs can. and when i finally played one happy song when i reach somerset, i almost cried lah. i think that's why i didnt see the big group of u. oops. but then, i'm glad that i didnt back out in the end and that you guys came to celebrate my birthday ((: XIE XIE NI MEN! (scroll down for individual name!)

i'll make an exception for this group okay, cos yijun plan majority of the thing, her name should be on top!

Yijun: go get a boyfriend lah you. okay no link. btw, i'm still younger than you, like at least 3 months. thank you for planning this birthday celebration for me, even though u keep saying it fail, etc. and keep apologizing. gosh, DONT APOLOGIZE ALRD. i really will get angry one! even though ur art (according to u) is epic fail, but then i'm still touched by the fact that you and my sister went over to compass point to decorate my cake, and the scrap book that you made for me. ohh, and the present that you and my sister bought. through the questioning and u all ownself give hints. i alrd knw what u were planning in mind. but yea, i shant say much. lol. anw ty. (:

i never talked to u even though we were in the same tuition class for like idk how long. our friendship maintained as sending songs over to one another until one day u came to class, and u suddenly cried. i asked wj what happened and she told me that u met with some friendship problems. then we just started talking from there. i still rmb how we three walked from hougang mall to rivervale plaza for tuition. then u two kept forcing me to sing ai mei but i just DIE DIE wont sing. LOL. funny how we both go sing K now. lolll

Sister: I'm not ur ATM! )): i think as sisters, we have come a super long way. i still remember how you told me you hated me and my very existence): but now we are like good friends who can go out together with each other friends at times? u're sensible in your own way now, and i know that i dont have to worry so much about you anymore. u're heading towards the last hurdle to ur O's alrd before u start having the fun that i had (for a short while), jiayou okay! my memory epic fail, and i can only help u in ur studies to a super small extent ): btw u should stop bullying me and go find a boyfriend!

Janice: now i know whats with the "SMS me okay" that you were saying yesterday. LOL. thanks for coming, and its funny how we didnt really get to talk so much last time but recent outings we can just keep talking and talking non stop without even realizing that time has passed very fast. haha! u should just come out with us more often! LOL!

my first impression of u was that u are super quiet lah! but then... how i know u are not. LOL. we were suddenly friends who were in each other's classes for the next few sems, (ya we choose one, but still!) u're not only a good project mate, u're also a good friend. glad to make a friend like you in NP, and i really hope that we'll continue to be friends even after graduation!! (:

LY: friend made in SHANGHAI. omgosh. haha. we were in the same class for like one sem but didnt really talk cos of ur first impression of me and cos of my then dont want to know anyone cos they are all making use of me thinking. LOL. and then we suddenly became close when we went to shanghai and did projects together, and came back and did MORE projects together. LOL. i think if i've never opened my mouth and asked if we can group tgther in shanghai, we might not be as close as we are now. haha! grateful for u as a friend, through our random outings, jogging sessions, funny activities like escape and KCC camp, etcetcetc. i still remember how both of us can just stay in school in canteen 2 till 8 plus to study, our h2h talks at really random places. and the super cold Emerald room in School lib was like always the room we book to studyyyy (and C**). HAHA. and yeap, "Remember. Us." (:

SiYun: omg u gay. LOL. u shld like tell ur tuition kid u are busy today! haha, i still remember how you added me on MSN then we started talking from there. and when u told me ur name i just kept wondering how come i dont remember a girl of this name. then i realized u are a guy. LOL. and then we started having group convers with MSN gang, and come up with the funniest things like (S)(*) and our MSN nicks. LOL. actl u thought me quite a lot of stuffs along the way. dk how to explain it but ya, u did! like how i can be in a bad mood, and u just seem to realize it that time, (i think is cos u read my blog lol) and i rmb how we can both be epic fail, forget to bring wallet to school (on the same day somemore) and we can take the same bus but not realize it until i'm alrd about to alight. LOL. why we both so blur. i dont understand. HAHA! actl i'm surprised how we dont see each other but are still able to keep in contact! but still, really glad that i made a friend like you. (: and u stupid pig always use me as entertainer!

SweeMun: sweee moooo ah. actl i seldom meet up with u! and i think its only this sem that i saw u more often cos we were in the same class. LOL! although u always call me elizabird, and even told ur friends to call me that (oh my how can u be so mean ):!) ur jap is good, pass me some of that talent lehhhhh. anw, really happy to know u as a friend, even though we seldom talk and dont even have h2h talks, lol.

WenYi: haha, i miss our random outings. LOL. u get what i mean right. hahaha! thanks for being there for me whenever i talk to u about stuffs. (': sometimes all i want to do is to let it out, and there is you!! ((: hehe. i remember how you sat beside me during stats class, and then we would chiong the tutorial out without the help of ahem. i actl miss the time when we went to study together throughout the night at serangoon mac. we were at a super strategic location where i can watch soccer. LOL. then we chionged IEF tgther. haha! and how we would queue up for KOI together and then go sing K together. hahah! although u are weird (how can one be a barbie and a pig at the same time!), but i'm still happy u are my friend!

YokeTeng: we were in the same class for one sem but hardly talked to each other. its only when we(LY and meee) came back from shanghai that our cliques 'merged' and we started talking and studying together after class, even though we were from different classes alrd. hha! i guess all of us think alot huh, and i think i can say that you and i suffered the same fate under Paul's horrible treatment. ): i like the fact that our groups still make an effort to meet up even though we are alrd in different specializations and sometimes our timings clash. (: i know sometimes u go through some stuff but dont say out, only write in ur blog. (abit like me haha) but nvm, i'll STALK ur blog. haha(: hen happy knowing you cos u are a nice friend, though u always steal my stitch keychain! (kidnap it home once somemore!)

ZhengYao: another OG friend. but then i didn't talk to you until shanghai and after that? LOL. its damn funny. i think we super got yuan cos we seem to join the same random things like NDP and shanghai (though we also never talk there) is it like thank god u ask to borrow IEF notes from me with zhixian? lol. i think you're a good friend, one that anyone can talk to for hours. maybe cos u are so lame and random. LOL. is this good or bad ah. its like although we know each other for a short period of time but we are able to go out like that and just keep talking (of course some conversations have content some is lalala just crapping) like we are super old friends like that. haha! until now im still thinking its so funny that 3 yrs ago we didnt talk at all and now we are like going out tgther for Kbox, CJ buffet, and ESCAPE! actl im kind of grateful that we started talking, if not i would miss out a good friend like you! i think though u like to have fun, but when people are not in a good mood or are feeling sad, u would listen and give funny but true replies. lol, so xie xie niii(:

CJ people like dont read my blog one. so i just thank in general here can. heh.. Even though u guys wont read this, but ya, Super gan xie u all for treating us so nice today, *touched* discount voucher, minus away one person. had to make drinks for us, and even had to come serve us (very ps) people i want to thank are (according to the book): Yu Li, Moon, Joycelin, Jun Dong, Zhu Ying, Yumi, Wei Li, Ah Wei, Qiu Yi, Cheng Yong. i guess i haven't really taken you guys as friends yet, maybe i don't know how, or maybe i just didn't put in the effort. F&B somehow just tells me that the people will leave anytime. maybe that's why i prefer keeping a distance? but i really cherish u guys, (in a quiet way la) and won't forget u all!

and now for friends that i haven talked to in a long while: weishen, wanjing, terence. actually i am not sure what i am supposed to say here, because i really haven been talking to u all for such a long time, but i am super touched that you guys still remember me. LOL. i know it sounds weird. but ya, gan xie ni men!

2010-09-24T14:06:00.003+08:00

i was reading through past blog posts and realized the existence of this! bo liao de me started to do. the first one i didn't post. it was epic okay. i tio shock. LOL. u can ask me, but i'll decide if i wanna tell u. the quiz was on what is the name of you ideal lover or smth along that line. EPIC.

You Should Be With a Fire Sign

Your best match is an Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius

You like a partner who's intense and even a little dominating. You want to be seduced.

There's nothing you like better than someone being completely and totally into you.

You are not an easy one to catch, so you need a bold partner who is up to the challenge.

What Sign Should You Be With?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

You Are Peaceful

Your positive traits:

You are open minded enough to date outside your typical "type" ... successfully!

You are diplomatic - and likely to end a fight instead of dragging things out.

You are easily loyal and faithful, but only for the right person.

Your negative traits:

You're a bit gullible, and partners take advantage of you. You still may not know it.

You find it difficult to decide where to go to dinner, what movie to watch, who to date...

You have to be in a relationship, or else you just don't feel like yourself.

Your ideal partner:

A smooth talker who enjoys socializing as much as you to.

Someone classy and cultured who knows which wine to order with dinner.

Is beautiful to you - although not necessarily attractive in the traditional sense.

Your dating style:

Romantic. If your date comes bearing flowers, wine, and poetry... well, your heart soars.

Your seduction style:

Giving. Your lover's pleasure is as important as your own.

Soft and sensual - you don't like anything to be rough.

Extravagant ... your fantasy involves staying at a five star hotel with your love.

Tips for the future:

Don't be so quick to compromise in relationships - and you'll get taken advantage of yes.

Try being single for a while. Seems impossible, but you'll learn so much about yourself from doing so.

Make some decisions about your romantic life, right now. You'll be happy that you did.

Best color to attract mate: Green

Best day for a date: Wednesday

What's Your Love Profile?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

You Are a Low Key Wedding

Love makes you feel calm and at peace. Simply being around those you care for brings out the best in you.

To be unloved would make you feel like there was something missing in your life. You'd survive it, but you would have a lonely existence.

For you, romantic love is steady and undying. You've gotten to the point in your life where commitment matters a lot to you.

When you love someone, you are prepared to be there for that person... for better or worse. Whether you're married or not, you're completely true.

The Wedding Cake Test

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

#232

2010-09-23T15:18:00.002+08:00

u know how one place is so crowded but you can only see that one person? its this special feeling you get when you manage to see through the whole lot of people and have eyes for just that one person. Looking back, this was what i was then. It was a happy feeling, even though i seem to be looking into a painting as an outsider. it was a simple feeling, a simple yet happy feeling.

does growing up make you forget how to be happy?

i wish i don't care as much as i do. i wish i could be that person who can just let go of things as easy as a snap of a finger. i've been trying to be all that i'm not, placing the strong front, and showing others how i don't need anyone. sometimes i really need someone to be there. other times i just want to be alone. i dont want to care about every bit of thing going on in my life. i dont want to ask why either.

if the person involved is not even bothered to salvage matters, why on earth does the bystander have to care or bother?

everyone is entitled to be tired. but why does it seem like i'm not? do i look or seem like i have the boundless amount of energy to pull people together? yes i admit it is my instinct. i cant stand disharmony. but why can't you guys take the initiative? i'm sick and tired of trying to be the one pulling everything together when you all seem to be calling it quits.

i really miss the times as a kid, when all i had to do was to cry and my dad would come ask me what happened and give me whatever i wanted.

i miss the time when i knew that tooth fairy doesn't exist but i would put my tooth under my bed, tell my dad about it, and expect money under my pillow the next night. my dad would tell me tooth fairies do not exist but he would still put the money under my pillow. A dollar would seem a lot. 2 dollars then seemed even bigger. You would feel like you are able to own the whole world with that bit of money.

i miss the times when dad would read me bed time stories. He would read till i fell asleep. Sometimes i just wouldn't want to fall asleep and he would have to read me two stories. i liked to hear my dad read. it just somehow makes me feel safe.

i miss the times when my brother would disturb me about my small pillow and the doll that my aunt gave me in the past. he pulled the bear away from the doll's hand and kept saying sorry to me and allowed me to hit him.

i miss the times when mom would bring my brother, sister and me to dad's office so that he can have his dinner. we would then play all sorts of things in the office. first of all we would rush to the drawers and cupboards to see whatever office supplies we could 'steal' home. then we would find markers to draw on the white board. we would give each other quizzes and imitate our tuition teacher. then we would run to the fridge of the office and drink canned drinks that mom would never allow us to buy.

i miss playing the lantern with brother and sister and we would fight to see who wouldn't burn their lanterns/ would be the last one to burn it.

i miss how we can go out for dinner and just enjoy the dinner.

it feels nice to be a princess.

What happened to being happy? Isn't it more important to be happy than to be right? I love this family, i do. but why does it feel like growing up seem to pull me away from whatever is making me happy? i love my friends, i do. but why does it feel like they are sometimes making use of me? why does trust have to be so easily broken? why can't i be stronger and accept that if trust is broken then its broken. it's the process that matters.

tagrepliesonly

2010-09-18T01:36:00.001+08:00

COOLEST WENYI: hiiiiiiiiiiii
CUTEST SWEEMUN: am not!! ): and yes, u are annoying, COW! ((:
wenyi: NOT TYPED BY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
joyce: welcome(:
who thee?: i like their new album!! haven listen to all the songs yet though haha!
E L: joyce ah?

#231

2010-09-16T23:35:00.004+08:00

AHHHHHH

i actually typed alot of crap alrd.

and then the stupid laptop of mine had this blue screen error.

omg the horror. i think it's spoiling.

HOWWWWWWWWW):

never mind buy a new one lor.

LOL.

I love Joanne . xxxxxINFINITY.

talk only lah hor.

okay my creditors.

i'm saving up for my laptop so i need whatever cash that i should get back.

please return me my money.

or i shall go find whatever ACRYLIC paint i have left in my house.

and splash on ur door.

eh seriously.

i cant rmb what i blogged halfway lah.

oh my.

i think im too tired.

18th August 2010 - 02 sep 2010

okay i shall talk abt the time since study period. hehe

haha basically i just kept studying during the 3 weeks break,

and it got to an extent that i am sick of studying.

i totally didnt want to touch my notes before the exam paper.

neither did i want to write at all. its mad sia.

i study in quite alot of places this time round.

airport, school, central, amk and bishan lib, rivervale plaza and blah i think no more. haha!

journey was pretty long, esp to airport, but oh well, hehhh

then we had a few night outs studying.

overnight studying.

CUI LA SOME PEOPLE.

my sister joined in for studying quite alot of times hhaha!

and then during study breaks,

we also had fun lah.

went to sing K (alrd uncountable lah), went to eat buffet(twice).

watch movie.

went to eat CJ buffet with yj and zy.

they both went crazy over nan gua bing.

and cos of that,

we went there for second round after abt 2 weeks.

and we sat at the same table, same setting.

but second time we went to clarke quay to study after that haha.

celebrated joyce and has bday tgther! (:

on the 23rd of august. ((:

went to pizza hut for dinner and the dessert shop next door for dessert.

LOL.

joyce was kind of surprised.

we went over to her hse the next day (yj, me, ashley, joanne) to surprise her w a cake~~

03 sep to 09 sep was EXAMS!!

OH after exams more happening

09 Sep 2010

went to sing K at amk.

before that we went to eat (darn i forgot)

wait. i think we went cathay to sing instead lei.

or was it hougang?

omt.

i really cant rmb.

AHHH I RMB NOW.

we went to hougang mall for steamboat buffet with yijun's mom and grandma.

omg i feel so bad for sponging off her mom!

then after tht we went to sing K,

and then we went homeeeeeee (:

went to escapeeee with ly, yj, zy on the 10th sep!

((:

like finalllyyyy :)

but i was late. i left house late cos i went back to take passion card then went back again to take monopoly deal.

eeps.

reached kind of late.

then we went to eat BBQ chicken.

haha!

but cos i alrd sort of eaten apple before leaving hse so i alrd full.

i ate mashed potato in the end haha!

AND THEN WE PLAYED MONOPOLY DEAL WHILE WAITING,

and after we finished eating haha!

ly came to join us after that.

then we went to escape!

macflurry sia. ):

play awhile only then rain.

actl is only play one round of viking and then we went to haunted 2 cos it started raining.

there was this super funny sec 4 kid that came to sit beside us.

haha!

there's smth about sec 4N people that makes me want to talk to them.

maybe its cos my sister is in the NA stream?

then zy started freaking us out by suddenly scaring us.

lucky yijun is always in front of me. hehhh.

we waiting for 2 or 3 hours while playing monopoly deal.

haha moral of the story: always have a backup plan!

then we headed off to Ehub to watch movie.

LOL.

we watched a lousy show according to all three of them.

yeah we watched haunted changi.

but i think the show has its good points also,

though i dont encourage people to go watch.

heh.

then we went home~ (((:

with a return ticket to escape :D

11 and 12 sep spent on work.

12 sep half day only though.

went for family dinner afterwards.

after effect of the dinner is my parents are not on speaking terms.

up till today.

doesnt take 2 idiots to figure out how bad this situation is.

15 sep to 16 sep

camp at sch for some korean club?

1st night supposed to scare people at a NW but then we got found out and had to cancel it abruptly. lol. idk how it ended up to that affair but we didn't get to sleep the whole night.

next morn everyone cui,

and a very upset me went to buy soybean milk in the morn.

and i went to buy apple cos i was feeling sad.

and green apples make me happier.

idk why. weird.

but they brushed off 4 out of 5 apples ):

LOL.

and when i got home, i went to sleep.

got awoken at 8pm.

damn i only slept for 3 hours.

ho seh.

i went jogging after that.

weeeeeeee

LOL.

and my mother didnt allow me to eat green apple cos i didnt want eat dinner only want eat my apple.

she bought alot of food from JBBBB! (((:

17 Sep

WORKKKK WHOLE DAY AHHHH.

i just feel that you dont treat me like ur other friends.

the balance inside me is tipping,

and i detest it.

and i absolutely hate the fact that every time this kind of thing happens around this period of time.

2010-09-12T22:09:00.002+08:00

boooooooooooo.

yeah i'm alive.

i just had this super hectic life even though my exams are over.

actl i need recharging alrd.

i know i sound like some cyborg,

but yeah.

my body kind of works this way...

my holidays have finally started!!

okay great.

i have no idea how to spend it.

honestly, i'm tired now. i'll blog tmr.

WORK STARTS TMR AT NINE!! :))

#230

2010-08-25T09:49:00.003+08:00

hha im just here to mention that i'm alive.

blogging soon,

Happy birthday joyce btw ((: (24AUG)

there are things we wont forget in life,

but we should be strong and make whatever sad become strengths to continue our journey.

"有故事的人才会创造有意义的作品。"

damn i cant exactly rmb what the zhong san long said to chen xinyi

but im sticking to it i dun care!

i ♥ ming zhong!!

#229

2010-08-18T20:08:00.004+08:00

yes now is exam time, and that means incessant blogging.

headed to AMKhub for Salt today.

totally random,

but it has been on the back of my mind for quite some time already.

headed off to bishan to study alone till 6 plus,

walked home from kovan station,

bought dinner home.

my right leg's in pain.

i dk why, ):

i suddenly miss people watching.
you know what exactly is the idea of people watching?
it's to watch how fast paced almost everyone is going.
it's for you to reflect that on normal days,
you're just like one of them in the streets,
rushing off to one appointment.
people watching is for you to slow down your life,
and appreciate the things that never came across to you as something great.

i need the lone time.

and i don't want to explain why.

#228

2010-08-17T23:44:00.003+08:00

I'm not going to explain that I'm okay.

Just don't ask me.

Let me heal, I heal by writing.

this picture is mad cute.

life's been pretty mad and now that i'm starting to slow down,

i'm starting to not get used to it.

mad mad

i'm supposed to enjoy relaxation.

06 August 2010

and so the 4 of us met up to sing K and we walked over to bishan to collect our NDP passes ((:

The three of us then went back to AMK for Inception while ZY headed off to erm. i dk where. lol.

great movie actually.

everyone should go catch it ((:

we went to eat at Sumo House before the movie, niceeeeeeeeeeeee and cheap food i would say,

heh.

07 August 2010

my gut feeling tells me that i worked the whole of today away,

with my legs in pain.

yes the aftermath of not resting.

08 August 2010

Family lunch AND dinner.

gosh.

crazy right?

lunch at Shangri la was not bad actually (above average i would say :D),

but dinner at Jumbo was a tad bit salty plus the waiting time was...

accompanied aunt & cousin from France to Taka after that,

and homed! ((:

09 August 2010

NATIONAL DAY!!

and that marks the end of NDP 2010 ushering.

really glad that i made a group of fast friends that i know cherish all our moments together!!

and we can finally meet up after our dear QUEENIE has completed her 'O's!! JY QUEENIE!!

10 August 2010

yes i worked today full.

i was supposed to people watch during my break but yijun came to accompany me, ((:

and i saw my cutie pie volkswagon car ((: X 1,000,000

work was quite alright i guess haha

11 August 2010

We're so hell of the random.

met yj and zy for lunch buffet at CJ.

haha!

i skipped my dinner and breakfast for this.

LOL.

nah, not on purpose skip one.

and one of us (NOT ME) said "after lunch we should go sing KBox"

and that was where we ended up.

NO STUDY.

goshhh.

it was raining heavily in orchard.

we ran to cine.

IN THE RAIN.

we are super cui.

moral of the story"if your bag is big enough, bring an umbrella"

really, we do the weirdest things!

i went jogging at night!! weeee happpy me! (been ages since i jogged)

12 August 2010

met wy, yw and his friend nicholas for Kbox today

we went to have astons before that.

it was fun, haha!

though its 2 continuous days of singing!!

my money is all flying to Kbox. wth!

13 August 2010

work today,

it wasn't super tiring.

In fact, i felt quite free.

My partner at night said the same thing haha!

the rest of people in the shift were a different matter.

sis came to find me after study i guess,

and we went home together. (:

and there was this stupid table that left so late. RAR

14 August 2010

studied today!!

but halfway go collect yijun's phone

then went to clarke quay to find sis and her friend to study tgther before we went home.

and those crazy maniacs( sis and yj) went crazy over sticky.

aw comeon! it's been in sg for so long!

15 August 2010

Went to celebrate Alvin and Michael's birthday today!

omg i love them.

they are so uber cute!

i'll upload photos soon ((:

♥ THEMMMMM

there was this clown magician that i swear was super funny.

i really dk how he made those tricks.

its so cool!!!!!

went to find yijun to study,

but studied for awhile and i got dragged to kbox again...

lol.

alson came to join us but i think he had sore throat.

16 August 2010

spent the day at ACRA with mum.

i'm gonna change my phone in about 3 days.

no iphone, no galaxy S, made up my mind alrd.

its gonna be Motorola Milestone XT.

maybe i got influenced by dylan from fated to love you,

and i only have eyes for those that are bu qi yan and maybe after i buy it, people will start buying it. LOL

whatever,

its a good phone. i trust my judgement.

17 August 2010

studied with wy and sweemun came to join us shortly after.

then we walked around bishan for awhile before heading off to home.

WY DIDNT DRINK KOI TODAY.

its a miracle! (:

went jogging after that,

#227

2010-08-17T23:25:00.002+08:00

When i thought that everything's been healed almost completely,

i'm hit with the insight that things are never as they seem.

It's been over a year.

To count exactly, it's been over one year, two months and twenty two days, which makes it 448 days.

And I ask myself,

Is that amount of time not long enough for me to heal?

What can this memory of yours do to help me live my life in a more complete manner?

It's a vicious cycle.

I just don't know how to face facts that I've got to move on.

I stubbornly hold on to that memory,

even when i know that it only causes me deeper pain as time passes.

Blackie, when i saw the cat of the same physique, same fur color, same shade of eye color,

I smiled.

When i saw it chasing a cockroach running around me, i smiled too.

That moment was short-lived.

Because when i noticed how similar you were to that cat, i broke.

That same feeling of assurance that only you could give me.

Like a lost child who lost tries hard to remember where she should go.

I can't help but wonder.

If everything around me was still the way it was when you were around,

would i have looked at the cat differently?

I figured that i would go home smiling and telling you how similar you were to a cat i saw downstairs,

and maybe that cat was your mother.

I would be telling this to you, happily.

But you're gone, blackie,

and you're not coming back anymore.

It's been umpteen times that I'm telling myself this but

its just that now i know that I've always missed you,

i've lost my sense of directions again.

I've always hated myself for allowing myself to place my projects over allowing me to heal completely from losing you. If there weren't projects, and there weren't people who pushed projects to me, and if I did not put on a strong front to pretend that I'm fine, maybe things might have been different. Maybe people around me would have done how lost I was and they would leave me alone for as long as I needed. Maybe you would say that it is just me shirking my responsibilities, but you are not me, and will never be. You can't understand the hurt that I've went through.

I hate being strong.

I'm just going to crumble down this time, curl myself and cry.

2010-08-16T22:02:00.001+08:00

argh im not as nice as i look like people.

don't get cheated.

#226

2010-08-08T22:24:00.002+08:00

once in awhile, i like to sit down wherever i am and just think about the going ons in my life and what has been bothering me.

you know what people say about others moving on?

i do know the feeling of being left behind all of a sudden,

i do know the feeling of leaving people behind.

but i guess i don't know the whole feeling of someone being left behind yet.

is leaving people around you behind due to certain unsaid/unwritten reasons wrong?

I've been thinking a lot recently, while taking buses alone, while waiting for people around me. These pockets of time just seem to fill my brain with lots of ideas. I've been very busy, filling up my life with all sorts of activities, and at the end of the day, i question myself. what do i want to get out from it? am i really enjoying all the things I've been doing, or am i just doing everything to stop myself from thinking so much?

blackie's been on my mind quite a lot lately. perhaps it's due to the fact that my thoughts would somehow trail towards the question of "would things be different if blackie was still here?" what exactly is my regret towards blackie? i figured that apart from the very reason that i blame myself for her death, i just miss her. there's no regret for me to speak of because i feel that i have already done so much with her throughout her life. and yes people, i don't talk about it that much anymore, but i do miss her.

and now i talk about regrets. we hear this statement from so many people around us. "Cherish what you've got before you lost it all." We humans just don't learn. We leave room for regrets, we hurt what we love most, and regret when we lose it. Perhaps we should start noticing that it's these regrets that make us feel human. We all make mistakes, we might or might not learn from them. Perfection itself is an imperfection. When does one person yearn most for perfection? I don't know about others, but for me, it's when one is feeling most vulnerable and alone. That's possibly when that person's inferiority complex is at its highest? We need the perfection to keep our confidence level high. This plan backfires, because perfection is unattainable.

And yes, i am a perfectionist, when I am feeling lost, and alone.

I've got to start living,

with or without you people.

#225

2010-08-06T10:28:00.003+08:00

HAH!

i'm back again!

school is unofficially over for this term already.

and this brings me closer to the period of time that i can do what i want ((:

i'm actually dead tired from my napfa ytd.

okay actl i tried to act smart.

tue went to do a trial for my napfa,

then go play ard with the fitness corner.

so now tht napfa is over...

(((:

PS i swear my classmates are freaking FIT.

27 JULY 2010

okay today marks the end of JAPANESE!!

at least for this semester...

haha.

i've one last semester left,

SO I BETTER BUCK UP DURING THE HOLIDAYS. (:

speaking test was kind of dreadful.

so worried!! :X:X

but i had a good partner ((:

28 - 30 JULY 2010

projects?

i think that's wat i did...

maybe?

haha

[OH 30 JULY had family dinner with aunt from france ((:]

31 JULY 2010

NDP Preview today!!

i love my group!! ((:

went to collect uniform from LY before the show

heh heh,

i swear i looked like a clown.

and when we took photos with the PRO,

they said we look like red hill.

kind of true....

01 AUGUST 2010

workkk!!

went to orchard central during break to study.

not very productive for me actl.

maybe cos i just want a break.

haha!

okay EXCUSES. ):

02 AUGUST 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEE MUN!! ((:

submitted WISP reflection at 5.03pm cos some idiot printed things for about half an hour!?

macflurry sia.

joined yijun, jocelyn and alson to study at AMK hub after that,

i swear i'm tired.

wonder why..

03 AUGUST 2010

freak,

we are damn bloody hell random.

yijun and i went kbox from 2 to 7pm

crazy nutcases i would say.

we're mad.

went to trial my napfa after that

04 AUGUST 2010

muscle ache, i'm serious.

dk what happened.

too long never train or what?

yijun came to my hse to print stuff for bcomm,

omg sparky didn't bite her sia.

ahhh my dog so cute.

i like to bully her.

hehehe

met ashley for fish and co

OMG SHE TREAT ME TO DINNER LA

*guiltyyyyy*

THANK YOU WOMAN!! (((:

05 AUGUST 2010

NAPFA today,

nah i shan't complain or be too happy abt my results~~

kbox with the girls after that.

but doggone it,

i was so freaking tired. )):

06 AUGUST 2010

THTS TODAY!!

going to go kbox and watch inception today with YJ, LY and ZY!

all their names got Y de. ): only mine got XP so weird. ):

yayyyness ((:

tag replies only (:

2010-07-27T09:43:00.002+08:00

wy: it's like only now that i realize my tagboard's existance. LOL
HAHAHAHAHA: LOL. through FACEBOOOK. LOL
who thee: ((: got go watch? its damn cute!
yijun: i think u're the retarded one leh...
yijun: its conveniently. (:
=p: WHO ARE YOU AH LOL

#224

2010-07-27T09:25:00.002+08:00

and when i stop,

i really stop for a long time...

projects have been hell.

song currently stuck in my head: gives you hell by American Rejects.

gosh,

its been like 10 days since i blogged.

17th July

NE3 today! (:

met up with grp mates for brunch at LJS.

it was fun,

and we went out to usher the public today!

but ushering the SPAT schools wasn't exactly easy,

i would start wondering how they are going to survive in this society in future.

it's not easy, especially with the standard of living increasing,

society's getting increasingly fast paced,

who would slow down for them?

sometimes i feel that we take things for granted,

we really don't know what we have until we've lost it.

but people just aren't going to see it.

18th July

met up with crazies for movie!!

DESPICABLE ME! ((:

i like agnes.

she has a unicorn, i have a bear. we're similar.

LOL.

suddenly we have a family of despicable me. LOL

ok i shld stop lolling. letter L is coming out of the keyboard again.

ahaha!

went to eat astons before that,

we smuggled (JELLY) inside.

its so funny.

who smuggles jelly inside one!!?

anw i liked the movie.

its funny.

haha!

i like funny movies.

met ashley for KBOX.

lol.

i found someone who sings softer than meeeeeeeeeeeee

haha!!

19th July - 23rd July

mad rush of projects.

i seriously dk what else i was doing,

other than staying back and study.

LOL.

but then!

ok i really cant rmb. ):

24th July - 25th July

mad rush of projects while in Malacca for holiday

dun call me crazy.

i objected to the holiday )):

crazyyyyyyyyy

26th July

submission of 2 projects!

(like finalllllyyy)

met yijun and jundong, and his friend alson for Kbox at hougang.

oh my we sort of went abit mad.

kept asking jd to sing but he didn't want.

actl i had fun lei yijun.

the singing part.

LOL.

and crazy yijun and me decided to attempt bu tong by angela.

we ARE crazy.

i've been really crazy lately, going to kbox so frequently. LOL

NOT PLANNED BY ME HOR!

#223

2010-07-16T22:01:00.002+08:00

omg when i start blogging i just can't and won't stop.

LOL.

okay what i'm going to blog about now is extremely serious,

and is not a joke at all.

after so many years,

i finally know where i stand in the friendship with this fellow friend.

first of all,

she's really weird. for no rhyme of reason,

she comes talk to me on MSN, saying SHIT YOU

(i didn't do anything to her la! walao eh)

and then she bo tai bo ji say i bully her (wth? i never do anything!)

and then cos she doesnt have as many cute emoticons as me,

she is jealous and says, "u cry u big ar!"

seriously, my friend. ):

i feel like i'm being mistreated ):

and then after this, she know i would confirm blog abt her being mean

seriously, no sense of guilt sia she.

she still can say "you are going to block right"

BLOCK.

EPIC FAIL LAH SHE.

i see how she BLOCKS whatever i say abt her here.

(it's the truth though, i didnt edit any parts of the conversation)

experience, the power of picture cropping people (:

#222

2010-07-16T19:25:00.003+08:00

i can't sleep.

seriously.

my body clock's like screwed.

SCREWED AH. ):

i should go to sleep.

i should sleep early today.

but i am so stubborn,

i don't want to go sleep.

ok i tried to sleep.

but it just didn't work.

it's unfair.

oh btw,

IB project is over.

goodbye (:

okay i have nothing to blog about today. LOL

can't wait for my weekend (:

this's post 222 btw.

my fav 2! :D

#221

2010-07-15T22:31:00.002+08:00

if anyone asks me why i am blogging when i am supposed to finish up my IB,

i'm going to tell them that i have enough with a whole day of IB.

i need a break.

experts say that breaks are good for progress in work.

and i'm using my breaktime to blog.

go check it up. it's IEPOAIX theory.

okay so what do i want to blog about...

i'll start with ytd!

thought school started at 12 but it started at 11, and as a result i skipped the first lesson of the say, which was IPD lecture. hmmm. did my IB proj while waiting for end of lecture outside.

lunched with yijun at alumni in the end and went off for tutorial.

headed to ourspace to meet yj and yt after class before doing a bit of IB proj and then heading off to town to sort of celebrate weili's farewell.

okay i dun think celebrate is a good word here,

but yeah.

went the kbox at cine,

first time at tht outlet seriously.

hahaha,

and they made me sing a song alone cos they claim i never really sing?!

*faint*

really damn paisei for me actl.

my eyes are seriously closing at this point of time

my throat is *coughs* in pain?

today,

i skipped school for IB project.

saw EC today (:

really spent like the day in the lib

gosh.

had mac for dinner.

eh the spicy nuggets not bad.

but someone can't eat spicy food then want act smart order that lah.

in the end had to trade with me.

LOL.

lousy oh!

hahahaha

and now i'm finally home.

wanting to sleep but know i shouldn't.

okay end of break

DESPICABLE ME ON SUNDAY WOOTS!

PS DIE Again's nice. i want watch

PPS ytd watched a bit of gossip girls and find it kind of interesting

PPPS can't wait for end of projects.

PPPPS actl nothing alrd, just like to see the PS's P increase. haha!

#220

2010-07-14T08:30:00.008+08:00

OH HI!

supposed to like blog and defame people but was so caught up in my project.

LOL.

okay maybe i lie abit.

but i tried my best.

i have absolutely no interest in indofood agri.

its like.

i dun even use their brand of cooking oil in my house.

i use SESAME OIL

hahahha!

ok lame. that's not my point of this blog post. LOL

you know this friend of mine.

he's called zhengyao.

super evil.

always giving SNUFFY names like snappy, shuffly, (there were like 20 the last time i counted lah).

then now he says that he's gonna have to bring me to the psychiatrist if i continue saying that my bear can talk.

i think he is jealous cos his can't.

oh well.

his can't even move lah.

AND THEN HE SAYS HE WILL STAB MY SNUFFY WHEN I AM (dragged i suppose) SEEING THE DOCTOR.

omg so evil and mean right.

and he actually says that he is nice like all the time (lies!)

you knw, this is so funny that i must share.

zy the future artist.

no make it abstract artist okay.

he actl says it looks like me.

omg.

can u imagine. (so big difference lah. one so cute[obviously the one on the right!] the other. *coughs*) haha!

and so i took my revenge.

i notice i only knw how to draw one type of face on msn LOL.

so sad.

eh walao. at least i gave him proper eyes lo

he gave me tht idk confused eyes?

LOL

see, he lies again. say his face is happy and cheerful and kind hearted.

don't believe him okay.

i think he has something against people's bears.

PS SNUFFY says HI! LOL

oh then i have this friend. gosh is she my friend.

like seriously.

she actl slapped me!

ya whatever, on MSN.

so? she still slapped me!

and one time not enough.

piak me 4 times in total.

SEE LAH.

my friend sia.

i suddenly feel like changing font color.

imagine ah.

i use white font color.

then people read alrd they have to like highlight it.

LOL.

ok lame.

ANW.

yijun's another bad friend.

i can't believe my friends are all like this. ):

PPOOOORR MEEEEEE

haiyo, im bored again lah.

eh i didnt mention the itouch app that yijun has in her itouch sia.

its like so super cute lah.

i swear if i ever have an iphone i would Download it.

its this app. you shake it once. then the thing would shake a milk can.

then it would laugh.

and its laughter is like ohmygoodness super contagious.

i never fail to laugh.

who on earth has such a funny laughter?!

i'll show u the trailer.

super cute and funny. haha!

come on, don't deny.

you want to watch it.

YOU DO. (:

#219

2010-07-13T21:46:00.004+08:00

wooooooh,

what am i doing here, when i have an IB report to rush out huh.

i just come back here every 5 to 10 min when i am sick of looking at report. :(

oh i have this sudden craving for nice food.

ya kun kaya toast, Auntie Anne, Koi, cup walker, watami, crystal jade buffet, makan place's homemade barley, mini melts, M&M Peanut, strawberry lollipop, fish and co, astons, famous amos butterscotch cookies,

ok the list can go on, like. really. go. on.

let's see what i achieved recently.

i ran 5KM ytd! okay, over 5km, but ard there. but i stopped for like 10 minutes to go do other stuffs after my 2.4km. then i went to jog 3km. i really like running. then blasting the music. i realized how much my lifestyle changed over the years. i used to hate jogging. used to hate running. but now i think i can't live without jogging/running at least once a week. i haven't been brave enough to do what i like to do. and i guess jogging is the first thing that i insist on.

school has started. projects are nearing deadlines. exams are coming. but i don't feel anything. gosh i shld like get myself back on track. started on jap, having test for next two lessons before calling it quits for the semester. today i went to class and this classmate that i don't speak to unless he is prompting me answers suddenly ask me if i ever went on TV on news. oh my... up till today someone remember. SO PAISEI. queency baked cookies! ohmyyy, NICE. and then i'm reminded of the baking classes that i want to sign up for. LOL.

somehow, wherever i go recently, Valentine's been replaying in my head. LOL. "But it's a good excuse, put our love to use. Baby, I know what to do. Baby, I... I will love you. I'll love you, I'll love you." yes this has been in my head. lol. funny. gah...

gosh, mws therapy seems to be less and less effective sia. ):

have been having NDP these few weekends, so can't work. i love my ndp grp. LOL. they are all funny people. can crap with them, esp Lee Ping. LOL. she's very funny. but this time i dont get to watch fireworks. though i get to see the parade that has the 3 times gun shooting thing. haha! i'm so greedy ): but i dun get to see any of my friends who joined NDP. i'm like isolated from them. LOL

went to study with yijun and sis at compass point on sun morning. then we went to work after that. wear contacts to work abit paisei actl. haha, we went to eat mac in the morn. mac breakfast. i dun like their service. i smile at her and she give me black face. then she give me wrong packaging (no maple syrup when i order hotcakes) i ask her for it. she just change my packaging never even say sorry! then next cust she was so polite. wah, super macflurry service!

my throat is dying sia. :(

i keep playing city bloxx on LY's phone. haha. okay i desperately need to get a new phone. my sister's nagging at me. cos i should be the one changing now. but i'm delaying cos i dun have the time. and cos iphone4 not out yet in sg but there are like so many problems with it alrd. OH did i mention i LOVE despicable me? watching the trailer alrd makes me laugh like an idiot. can't imagine what the movie itself would make me. crazy perhaps? haha! this little girl is like so super cute :D gosh i feel like a pedo.

met ashley (like finally hor) on friday for dinner at astons! :D and we took photos. hahah. pretty last min thing i guess. initially wanted to go jogging with LY they all but i was too tired. and felt sick also ): and so i went home to sleep. LOL. and so when we met, we crapped, LOL. like usual. and we complain. and we laugh. hahaha! awww.

must have been long since i updated. i think i didnt talk abt yijun and my kbox session. LOL. 2 people with sore throats, both sick, singing songs like ai mei, and wo ai ta. towards the end, my throat couldnt take it alrd. left her solo singing. LOL!

and then i had this entrepreneurship camp where we were student leaders. eh my students damn cute can. in the end they made me a lotus leh. *touched*. i shall take a photo and edit this post when i'm free. im so touched. LOL. eh we went out like late at night to buy them snacks cos they dun like the food. hahaha. and i rushed off to work after the end of camp. LOL.

and then i had this NYBC 2010 event for 2 days at causeway point where i was the organizing committee cos its a school module project. damn cool but so hard to find performers! rushed here and there on sat cos i had NDP after the event. but the event was a success :) our 'family' went to have dinner together after the second day. somehow or other, i'm the youngest daughter. LOL!

been staying back quite alot lately to complete projs and do jap homework. eating prata after that, or da-baoing to underpass or ourspace to eat. haha, and so, studying sometimes can be fun. we stay back till like 8 plus 9 then go home everyday. though it's tiring and draining at times, but its still fun :) full time mugger after 30 july people. :)

i've been doing quite a lot of thinking lately. and i realize quite a number of things. well, ending it off with past regrets, present commitments, and future anticipations.

why are you still my friend?

lost to time. you.

#218

2010-06-20T22:21:00.003+08:00

oh my,

back to blogging! :D

i think life treats you like dirt sometimes,

but you gotta get back up on ur own to dust the dirt off you.

i cant get rid of my past.

and i'm tired fighting away everything.

and so i'm facing it.

i won't fight already.

it's not easy tanking everything that comes your way.

but you've got to do it,

to prove to yourself,

and tell those who are waiting for you to fall.

that you can.

and you will.

i didnt blog finish the previous time sia.

and i didnt knw.

LOL!!!

went to catch nanny mcphee with YUL

its a nice movie leh.

touching!

then i went to catch karate kid.

somehow,

the movie evoked quite a lot of thoughts which i wouldn't pen down here.

we had buffet at hougang mall!

oh my its freaking cheap,

cheap till i cant believe how cheap it is.

LOL

-.-

had first NDP ushers' training!

it's like team bonding,

damn cool and fun!

wee~

after tht we went to west mall for dinner,

and

took neoprints. LOL

last week of holidays,

gotta embrace it.

LOL!

P.R (:

2010-06-17T22:20:00.004+08:00

introducing the power rangers! :D

i'm talented in drawing.

I AM :D

i super wanted white,

but.

WHITE CANNOT BE SEEN!

mws i really wanted white! ))):

love the girls, though they can sometimes be so mean ):

yt, be strong.

you can do it.

we all can do it. (:

#217

2010-06-13T00:34:00.004+08:00

mother.

dk why the song i posted cannot be seen in google chrome. its such a cute and addictive song.

so many things to blog now tht i decided to come blog.

life super happening seh.

LOL

like real.

sia lah. i miss my cat.

ok random.

where should i start.

hmmm.

i shall start with announcing that i lost my phone, and don't have many peoples' contacts.

so if you want to be contacted, then u tell me ur number. lol

im tired of asking for people numbers.

its been about a month i guess.

oh well,

no common tests!

brother's birthday on 28th may!

chalet at east coast was pretty bad but overall things turned out fine?

tiring arrangement though.

haha!

bro's friends are funny.

really.

LOL

i think as long as i start planning smth i wont let it go wrong.

cos there is this streak of determination in me that wants things to be a success.

celebrated yijun's bday at CJ!

haha, it was certainly hard trying to keep a secret.

when people kept doing things that made her suspect.

thank god she's a bit dumb

and i'm talented in lying to her.

LOL.

*anw, friends are for the keeps when you know they see the same way as you. (to a certain someone, that's probably why we aren't and will never be great friends)

met SS friends for movie and celebrated dada bday! :D

miss them! so long didnt meet alrd.

*awaiting pictures!*

we watched SHREK 3!!

and dinnered at pasta mania,

that stupid dada was surprised, but didnt show it!

but i am happy to see them again after such a long time :D

had meeting with F, together with l and andy.

oh my, actl it's nervebreaking.

LOL.

but at least i knw what it's like! =D

had PFM test, then went to marina sq with yul :D

we saw someone we knew but that someone apparently did not see us when yul called out her name loudly, and both of us were waving.

*from this incident, i should take note that i have to open my eyes/ears and look/hear around to see if there are people i know waving/calling. if not, i would come across as a rude person who has no social etiquette.*

after that met LY at suntec.

then we went to walk ard.

haha!

talked to both yul and LY abt alot of stuffs. (:

they are the few that i can have heart to heart talks with.

perhaps it really has something to do with people who listen.

*haven met A for a long time. miss doing all the weird stuffs tgther, like smuggling subway into the cinema*

went wy house for MJ! :D

made a new friend called yw.

LOL.

we went to pool after mahjong.

oh my, my pool got improve leh.

*though its still lousy, WHATEVER. haha!

went to PC fair,

saw zy.

and i think i saw secondary/pri sch friends also. LOL.

pc fair used to be the place i avoid cos of a certain person.

it's funny how things change.

but then again, people change all the time.

some people change to be wanted.

but here's how it is.

is changing to be someone you are not that honorable?

i know you're pretending.

correction, we all know.

and i certainly wouldn't take the back seat anymore.

you're dead meat if you try anything more.

had BBQ with sis friends and poly friends.

though i didnt ask alot of them,

haha.

pretty last min thing.

yijun came over in the afternoon to help out.

omg. she kept feeding my dog.

LOL.

*the only stranger that is mad enough to say my dog is cute.*

well,

at least there was effort to meet up poly clique! :)

love you guys! (you know who you are :D)

met yul for

have been meeting yj alot lately,

LOL.

and talking on the phone abt all sorts of stuffs.

u knw, sometimes, it's you.

THE LIE!

2010-05-30T18:32:00.001+08:00

oh my please pause my blog songs before you listen to this cute song.

#216

2010-05-27T19:18:00.003+08:00

i can't take this anymore.
when i look at myself,
all i think about is my messed up mind.
how can one person have so many feelings and emotions at the same time?

am i a low maintenance friend?
because you guys are making me feel this way.
i don't want to pinpoint who you guys are.
i guess you know.
but just in case you don't,
i guess i'll just have you know now.
after 18 over years in my life,
i'll just have you guys know this.
i'm sick and tired of being that low maintenance friend.
sick and tired that i'm an option.
sick and tired that you guys can just ps me due to some reasons that are 'unforeseen'.
sick and tired that i have to be alone when you guys have the others for company.
and even more sick and tired of broken promises.
and just because i don't mention anything about it doesn't mean that i never minded it.
don't say sorry when you don't mean it.
it takes the meaning away from the apology itself.

when i look back,
i know for myself.
i'm not exactly the most rational person on earth.
i do have my irrational moments.
perhaps this is the time that i'm being irrational,
but i don't wish to stop myself from being what i am now.
because this is how i am reacting to things happening around me.
i can't talk to you guys about this face to face,
because of certain reasons.
and i choose to write it here,
because i guess,
only people who bother will come here.
but yes, i am waiting for people to take the initiative,
cos i'm done with doing that.

#215

2010-05-26T22:08:00.004+08:00

i've been very reluctant to blog.
maybe cos i'm busy?
or maybe i don't really want to let people in to what i have been thinking.
idk.

maybe the huge amount of time left alone on tue was the time for me to reflect.

i can still remember how comforted i was when i saw my jap class friend yesterday outside class, before going into jap class.

even though we were not close.

perhaps that was when i realized that i really needed some form of support, and i really didn't want to be alone at all.

so that explained my sinking feeling when i have to be alone.

but thank you people,
thank you those who entered into my life today, in any form.
whether intentionally or unintentionally.
because today was the day i thought i would break.

thank you mum, grandma, and grandaunt for having lunch with me and making me laugh even though its celebration for your birthday, grandma.
thank you terence for crapping quite alot with me today. it sort of filled up the empty gaps. lets go chomp chomp one day haha.

thank you yijun for accompanying me through the pockets of time while i was waiting for ashley at bishan.

thank you ashley for arranging to come out and meet me despite you being so busy at work today, and the bookmark on ryeowook! ♥

there are so many thank yous i have to make.

perhaps even though its 365 days after you left, i still haven't forgotten you,

or how close we were.

Blackie, you mended alot of things in my life, including my relationship with my sister.

i knew i hated you at first.

but in the weirdest way, the person you became closest to was me.

even up till today,

i am still unable to forget how you used to call out differently to me when kor brought you over to grandma house.

to others, you called out angrily, but when i went to you, you called out like how a scared child would call his/her mother.

and then i would recall you playing hide and seek + catching around in the house with me.

you running out of the house and losing your way, not knowing how to come home, needing me to go find you level by level.

you 'whining' at me when i bathe you.

you stretching lazily when i call you when you are sleeping.

you responding to only me calling by coming over to find me.

you allowing me to hug you tightly when things so bad happen to me and i just keep crying when you hate hugs.

you coming to find me in the middle of the night when i'm studying for exams, etc.

you falling sick and i losing sleep by waking up every hour automatically cos i'm so worried for you.

you allowing only me to carry you like how a mother would carry her child. you would squirm out of everyone else's hand if they tried to do the same.

i chasing you out of the house angrily when you were naughty.

there are so many more.

i can't force you out of my memory,

and i want to keep you in my memory too.

i notice no matter how bad my memory is at certain things,

i just won't forget all the bits and pieces of you.

i know things won't be the same anymore.

and maybe after one year of self denial

i'm finally learning to let you go.

i won't stop myself from missing you, because i know that is normal,

and maybe from you, i learnt that i have to protect myself.

i notice how i would start to think of you when things start going wrong.

well, never again.

i would stop doing that from now.

because you are no longer here, i have to accept this.

thinking of you when things go wrong make me more sad than ever.

but i'll learn,

i'll learn slowly,

thank you blackie.

i miss you.

2010-05-26T10:55:00.000+08:00

dun waste ur wishes. give them to me.
i want it :D

2010-05-18T10:02:00.002+08:00

http://sup3rjunior.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/inkigayo-rehearsal-moments/
i love super junior!
they don't walk away (:

walking away

2010-05-16T13:56:00.002+08:00

i think this sort of thing often happens to me,
people coming
people leaving.
people coming back again,
without knowing they have left me behind before.

but people,
i'm sick of this.
sick of you guys leaving,
coming back acting as if nth ever happened.

i no longer have the energy to take you back while pretending that things are the same.
i'm not me anymore.
or rather, i'm not the me that used to be so into people around me.
i had this thinking that if i was left alone again,
i would break.
but i didn't.
i stayed whole as i was,
and continued moving on.

sometimes people say that people sometimes walk away to see who will chase after them.
but i guess once your heart hardens,
no matter how far the other chases,
they can't reach out to you.
it's as if you were there,
they can see you,
you can see them,
but they can't feel you,
just like you can't feel them.

2010-05-10T09:08:00.002+08:00

my blog later become never blog at all sia.
haha

24th APRIL 2010
went out with mum and sis if i rmb correctly.
hehe
we went city sq mall again.
LOL!
okay nth liao.
idk if i had work. but i think no leh.
LOL.

25 APRIL 2010
i hate sundays. GAHH

28 APRIL 2010
I LOVE TODAY! :D
after sch meet ly and yt for jogging,
then left earlier cos need to go meet ashley, joyce, and naing for dinner
WEEE~
so long never see him alrd
i super miss fish and co :(
oh well.
haha

01 MAY 2010
work whole day! :D
i quite like working in CJ.
people there are mostly nice.
:D

05 MAY 2010
met ashley at bishan!
she go buy formal
then we go eat manhatten
then then then
met her fren's boyf to discuss her fren bday celebration
haha
homed!
haaappppppyy :D:D

08 MAY 2010
today work whole day again.
money money money i love money!
haha night was super busy i couldn't take it!
and i was super tired. LOL
then there was this person who looked like older version of EC
OMG
LOL.

09 MAY 2010
work half day then went to celebrate mother's day
collected cake after work
i shall post it one day! :D
actl is grandma birthday.
haha!

*~*~*~*~*~*~

i realize i like XXX alot.

no no i LOVE XXX.

XXX never fails me.

always comes to me when needed.

you know what's XXX?

ITS MONEY :D

hahhaha

i love money!

-.-

tell me who dun...

i should start getting back to earth.

tag replies only :)

2010-05-07T19:45:00.002+08:00

yanling: :( but im not mean! i intro people to u leh! :D
yu loon: LOL. not extended to you. only me me me me!
yi jun: :(
who thee: haha YEAP. omg when are we meeting again? :D
yijun: how can i NOT blog abt 23 :D
yijun: if u have nth good to say abt MWS i dun want friend you alrd. hmph. ):
XP: WHO ON EARTH ARE YOU?! LOL

omg so long never blog again.
but my brain really cant think of what happened you knw.
but i saw MWS on wed :D

shit sia. my whole brain only full of MWS. will blog later when my mind more clear. now very tired. heh heh

#214

2010-04-28T08:57:00.003+08:00

i die die must blog about the 23rd you know.
HOW CAN I NOT BLOG ABOUT THE 23rd?!
it's so impt!
hahaha
yijun's gonna hate me for this.
but i dun care.
(A)
LOL.
aiya i knw she wont so petty one.

actl 23rd is such a funny day.
i started school at 9,
eh my mood wasnt the super happy one
but there was a funny weird feeling
cos i slept for just a few hours and i dun feel tired at all.
so i knew smth was on.
LOL.
*like real*
and so i went for lessons as per normal,
but i met yijun for lunch and she pei me go for lecture (:
we kept meeting people we knew then we were waving and waving.
lecturer didn't notice yijun is weird.
hahaha
after lecture we went to the toilet.
THEN
some dodo bird left her phone there.
and didn't realize it,
till we boarded the bus halfway
and so we cabbed back to NP
and we didnt understand a word that the cab driver said.
i went SSC and she went to the toilet.
she's damn freaking lucky can.
when she come find me, she say its cfm in the toilet cos she rmb putting it down.
then i alrd called the security guard u knw.
LOL
she alrd v kanjiong,
but they insist on black and white,
she must fill in an online form before she can see her phone
LOL.
i just kept laughing.
then the guy called one of her classmates.
u knw whats the funny thing?
i called her phone so many times they never answer.
._.
and later we had to cab down to work
at first one girl cut our queue.
nvm.
then one group of guys came to cut our queue.
wow.
one of them i see before one somemore.
look at me and cross the road and then started flagging the taxi.
WIN.
later yijun damn pek chek.
LOL
keep on complaining.
and then we saw them cross the road to flag the taxi.
hahahha.
we were early for work!!
(:

2010-04-26T23:30:00.001+08:00

(LOVES)

#213

2010-04-24T10:40:00.003+08:00

not going to update too far back.
largely because nothing exactly exciting or out of the world happened.
okay maybe alot of exciting things happened okay.
then i'll end up blogging for everyday!

05 APRIL 2010
went to novena to pass janice the cards,
then went to orchard to meet LY for fish and co!
she had the $1 fish and chips and i had the coriander catch.
HOHO!
i notice i spend alot on food.
i shall stop doing so.
after the whole list of places that i want to visit okay.
HAHA!
then i went to raffles city to work.
and my cough is starting to get worse.
then we bought yt's present!
and ly continued shopping while i went for work (:

08 APRIL 2010
went to school to celebrate yoketeng birthday after work
we slacked around so much!

10 APRIL 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOKETENG!
went to work at CJ.
noticed one random fact about me.
when my wallet is going empty,
CJ always saves me by paying me my salary to survive my days of going out.
LOVE CJ! ♥

11 APRIL 2010
underwater world with dada, has, and joyce!
♥ them!
has made sandwiches for all of us to eat
honestly there wasn't much things for us to do u knw.
its like, sentosa is so big,
but...
okay my expectations too high can.
there were peacocks, and alot alot of things!!
and i rmb i kept asking joyce what the name of the fish was.
she just stubbornly refused to say it is NEMO.
so i kept hitting her with the toy.
lol.
we ate at ramen ten again
then we went to hougang mall to 'visit' has at work.
and joyce bought the cinammon melt or smth?
remind me of apple pie. haha!

12 APRIL 2010
supposed to go watch movie with yijun but we couldn't because of work.

13 APRIL 2010

caught how to train your dragon 3D with yijun after work.
maybe it's the eyes,
or the loyalty,
or the trust from the dragon,
i'm reminded of blackie.
i dk, just miss her so much
then we went to find yijun handphone cover or smth like tht
DAMN COMICAL.
(LOVE TOOTHLESS :D)
how to train ur dragon was nice btw,
very touching

15 APRIL 2010
met LY after my day's work for dinner
then we went to take photos at orchard central.
tht woman wanted to take jump shots and we ended up with zillions of it!
and finally got it right.
LOL.

16 APRIL 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRENDAN
went to brendan birthday chalet.
at first really paisei can.
first to reach then all his family members there.
mg.
and no fish and co people turned up.
GOSH.
felt so out of place but at least got ashley and joyce.
haha!

17 APRIL 2010
went to CJ to work whole day shift!
everyone so shocked.
haha then yijun drag me to go eat subway.

19 APRIL 2010
and today shld be a happy day haha
i cooked today!!
abalone with broccoli and straw mushrooms,
cereal prawns,
and baked potatoes!
EH NOT BAD ALRD OKAY.
grandpa tell me i can go open my retaurant.
LOL.
i think it will collapse.
hahaha

20 APRIL 2010
i'm so touched.
yul mummy bought egg tarts for me
but i dropped it on the bus.
and when i told her,
she stil say she will buy for me on thur!
*sniff sniff*
i'm super duper uper per er r touched!
went pizza hut for lunch,
and then headed back to school to slack while waiting for jap class.
tired.
YS and me cabbed to bishan cos she needed to rush there.
haha!

22 APRIL 2010
K WITH THE GIRLS!
haha
okay i enjoyed myself but i was really tired.
first time i went K u knw.
hahaha!

23 APRIL 2010
shall blog in a sep post (:

MWS!

2010-04-24T10:36:00.002+08:00

okay here's what i feel.

MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS
MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS
MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS
MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS
MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS MWS

hahaha, ♥

i shall stay in my fantasy.
♥♥♥

random

2010-04-11T02:51:00.001+08:00

gosh i think i am so weird. i refuse to acknowledge the money in my bank account and i keep complaining that i am broke. can someone slap me awake or smth. -.-

#213

2010-04-02T23:12:00.005+08:00

yanling: then i'll give ur number. LOL
joyce: u see wrong. no kbox.
who thee: heh :D:D okay! hahahah!

oh gosh,
only when i sit down and decide to blog that i realize its been such a long time.
and yet million thoughts fill my mind daily.
what's this blog for ahhh.
haha, for me to crap when i feel like it.
LOL.

21 MARCH 2010
i was supposed to work at CJ but i didnt because i started to feel unwell alrd.
now come to think about it, i fall sick for quite some time alrd.
lol.
abit slow ah.
but i think i went jogging cos i always feel that exercising will make me feel better.
-.-
yeah i knw, weird theory.
i have lots of weird theories.
big deal!

22 MARCH 2010 to 26 MARCH 2010

22 MARCH - HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENYI!

23 MARCH - HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHENGYAO!

26 MARCH - HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

spent working,
but 26th went to celebrate dad's bday.
brother is back too! (:
food was okayyyy,
i rushed down from work.
because at night eating buffet what, so i didnt eat lunch, and didnt really eat breakfast(i ate TOMATOES :D)
walao. i didnt manage to eat much u knw.
i was practically starved.
-.-
whats wrong with me?
IDK.
daddy bday present was UPapa.
next time i'm going to earn lots of money to buy him the big OSIM massage chair.
i know he likes that one,
but my money is tied up somewhere~
*but i think im going to buy my WII/crumpler before anything else. haha!*

27 MARCH 2010
worked at CJ in the morning.
i was the so called main runner.
haha!
omg i super huai nian the feeling.
they ask me to eat lunch,
i feel so paiseiiiii.
in the end i ate abit then i faster go home cos at night need go balestier.
lol.
haha, i was told to alight when i see 7-11. in the end, i needed to walk two bus stops.
*stares at someone*
oh well,
at first abit awkward u knw,
cos i hardly knw anyone there,
its like i knw some of them exist but i dun talk to them de.
then its abit idk lah, funny?
ahha
in the end i found 2 new friends.
LOL.
evon and gerene.
(:
we even cabbed home together cos we stay quite near~

28 MARCH 2010
went to work because patrick was on mc.
after that, rushed to serangoon garden for dinner
the food not bad, but v exp i feel~
alvin sooo cute haha! (:

29 MARCH 2010 to 01 APRIL 2010
work
oh that stupid zy msg me and tell me we dun have to go work next day cos his LO just called him and there was a compulsory briefing. and i fell for it.
GOSH.
how can he do such a thing right?
then i went to work on 1st april wondering will anyone trick me.
thank god.
lol.
and because i was coughing so badly till my face turned red, and sneezing till my nose turned red,
i asked supervisor if i go on mc next day will she be able to find a replacement.
she was so nice, she help me ask around and finally found someone.
i'm really TOUCHED!
and then i was so scared i will fail my internship that i went to ask people.
haha, omg my friends are nice.
im touched (:
alien came to find me and treat me to dinner somemore!!
1st april is such a touching day.
LOL.

02 APRIL 2010
thats good friday.
the day i MC-ed.
eh there's alot of medi to take u knw.
like so many pills.
i went jogging! :D
when dad came home at night, he said no exercising because i have asthma history
gosh.
i really feel so sianned.
but lucky didnt tell him i went jogging.
or i think i wont be alive alrd. lol
but i really felt better when i went jogging.
oh well~

03 APRIL 2010
i tried to pack the house like what mum asked.
but the medi made me v drowsy and i ended up sleeping and waking up now and then cos of my cough.
when i woke up, its time for dinner.
lol
which animal sleeps and eats.
don't answer.
it was a rhetorical question.
i dk if its me falling sick or what,
i feel very sian when i see food.

#212

2010-03-20T23:44:00.003+08:00

song in my head: 爱不单行, 折疊式愛情
i didnt watch tht show, not yet... haha!

my previous post was so sian right.
idk, recently work is so sian.
aiya life so sian.
oh my mother god.
i sound so sian also.

I WANT TO DO ALOT OF THINGS YOU KNOW ))):

1. BACKPACKING
2. TRAVEL AROUND SINGAPORE
3. i wanna work from home.
4. i want my jogging.
5. i need my sleep.
6. KBOX :)
7. do some crazy things
8. READ.

i've finished the "book of tomorrow" alrd.
gosh, nerdy me is coming back.
how how how.
i just keep reading and reading.
this holiday is a disaster.
i'm one of those people in the train ride reading while standing.
it kind of allows time to pass fast.
i look up and OH i'm in kovan alrd.
then i'll race against time to reach home before 10.50pm
hahahaha.
the funniest things that i do when i have nothing better to do.

i think i should come up with a proper list.
i haven't blogged about what happened recently.
hmmmmm,
maybe i should start =D

actually this whole week passed by in a blur.
i mentioned kaya toast in my last post right?
hahahaha.
omg i got cravings for it! heh heh heh *imagine my panda hopping ard. haha!*

18 MARCH 2010
i really dun like working at CP.
this weird guy keep staring at me.
its very freaky.
VERY. ))):
one day i'll get nightmares.
and then maybe i will SCREAM at him. D:

19 MARCH 2010
work was so funny today,
i got visitors today!
- patrick came frm centrepoint during his break.
- bday girl, ly, swee mun, lynn, yoketeng came find me after their bday dinner and baoc meeting. they sat at the children table.
LOL.
and ly kept pretending she was buying a shirt for her husband.
they waited for me to finish work and then cut wy cake.
OMG MY PHONE DIED ON ME ):
i forgot to charge it, my fault. i didnt feed it.
oh damn whats wrong with me. lol.
oh and some red shirt guy scared the hell out of me.
i think i'll go to heaven alrd.
and then later i dk was talking abt what.
zy recommended to watch channel u show.
its called moment to remember.
i always wanted to watch the show.
i remember telling has that i found the girl pretty and she told me the girl looked weird (in secondary 3 or 4)
i dk why i never bought the show. i think cos i knw i will cry.
like watching hearty paws.
even though i only watch second part of the show,
its still so sad tht i cried.
do you know why the show is called moment to remember? because the first time of them meeting was the moment to remember, and even when she lost her memory of her beloved, she remembered him, their meeting, the moment she saw him, in the same mart again.

AHHH SO SAD. where to find this kind of guy u tell me!!!!
*i hope i wont be like her. my memory's kinda bad at times. )):*

20 MARCH 2010
mummy bday today. (:
i went to attend a talk with her,
its so boring that she dozed off u knw.
we left halfway.
haha!
we went to city square mall.
the eco friendly mall.
i saw STITCH!!
awww cute cute stitch!!
but some tall weirdo was in the costume so it made stitch look tall and skinny!
which is so not stitch. ):
OH OH
and i saw freaky chicky!
ewwwwwww
i went to popular to buy a new book.
and i left my beloved umbrella at popular.
lol. cannot continue like this. cannot cannot.
then we went to eat buffet!
i was so hungry that i felt i could eat a cow.
stupid me. i think at the rate i go,
i can't even eat a quarter.

just wondering, would you take someone who treats u like **** back?
i wouldn't, no. not anymore.

tagsrepliesonly

2010-03-18T01:00:00.002+08:00

has: thanks (:
who thee?: YES, let's go CYCLING. :D
janice: LOL, nice one. when are u really gonna get to drive ahhhh?
HShore: a post dedicated to you, omg, u're honoured or i'm honoured?
yijun: haha, thanks man. LOL

#211

2010-03-17T23:02:00.002+08:00

hahaha, omg, i wanted to update,
but...
hahaha, distractions.
LOL.

SUPER JUNIOR.

never mind i dun mind. LOL.
shall update (like finally.)
i need to blog out 18 days?
gosh.
anw,
01 MARCH 2010
went for internship,
reached early cos first impression quite impt.
haha,
02 MARCH 2010 to 05 MARCH 2010
started out mystery shopping for the company.
kinda fun,
and i had company :D
haha.
♥
haha, on one of the days, we were so enthu. we finished up mystery shopping and went to watch movie!
all in the name of super junior.
hahahah,
not exactly lah, but got sorry sorry in it.
haha!~
ashley and me went hyper.
LOL.

06 MARCH 2010
worked at cj i think, half day only. haha
omg then i went to have STEAMBOAT BUFFET WITH MAD PEOPLE.
hahaha, we just kept laughing and laughing.
and eating and eating.
it was fun.
LOL.
then i rushed off to get to amk.
lucky matthew was ncie to share cab.
omg he paid majority of the cab fare leh...
then i find yijun, met my sister and we proceeded to crash ashley house.
AT 12 AM
*without knowing where she stay, exactly. LOL*
damn dumb i dun care. LOL
joyce join us later.
then
ASHLEY DAMN EPIC.
shall not throw her face here.
LOL.
omg hahahahha.

07 MARCH 2010
met ashley for dinner then we sit sit talk talk until very late
then go home.
i miss f&c.
and i really feel like going back.
haha, we sat at herwan station,
then peter kept kajiaoing us.
greeter alrd can recognize me.
LOL.
omg we famous liao.
hahaha.
ASHLEY SHALL FIND A ~~GREAT~~ BEST BOYFRIEND (:

08 MARCH 2010
day off today, spent today doing work and accompanying mother to places. lol.
09 MARCH 2010
work today at centrepoint. 10 mar also.
11 MARCH 2010
day off again.
12 MARCH 2010 to 17 MARCH 2010
work at raffles city and centre point
hha, almost everyday i got people to accompany me.
except today, but i walked around wasting time, AND I BOUGHT TOAST BOX :D
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, been wanting to eat kaya toast for ages alrd.
i think i shld marry the chef working in toast box or yakun or smth.
then i can eat the kaya toast for free everyday.
hahahaha!
I LOVE KAYA TOAST!! :D :D :D

i'm super touched by ALIEN AND ASHLEY (:
♥
alien smsed me and asked if want meet after work. she finish at 10pm, that means that we would meet only at 10.30 and she would have to wait for me for like half hour plus? and she waited!! and we ate ice kachang hahha, and went home after that (: and she encouraged me through all this, THANKS! ((:

ashley keep wanting to accompany me for meals during my break but it's forever raining. hahah. and finally one day it did not rain! so she came down!! haha, it's really touching because she come down from amk for just less than one hour and i need to go back alrd. then her journey is quite long. *sniffs* and she also encouraged me through all this shit (((: THANK YOU

oh and one thing. i'm sick and tired of mending anything broken so i shan't bother from now.

Cleo, dedicated to Blackie.

2010-03-03T20:43:00.004+08:00

i think studying is good.

and so is reading.

it keeps your mind off things for that instant.

but the after effects are huge.

somehow or other,

picking up 'Cleo' was one of the hardest decision i ever made.

but no, i don't think i regret this decision.

granted, i closed the book several times,

not because it wasn't nice to read,

not because i was too busy.

it was a nice book to read,

but reading it was hard.

it was as if i knew it had the answer to whatever i wanted,

but dreaded finding out how am i supposed to do it.

i can't exactly find out the answer i wanted,

but there was a perspective i was given at the end of the book.

i knew i would cry, i knew i would take time,

but a voice inside me said 'go for it'.

as much as i wanted to stop reading the book,

the emotions were real,

they were all facing me,

and for a moment,

i thought i saw myself in the book.

when the end reached,

i started to wonder.

if blackie had left in a more complete manner,

would i be more comforted?

leaving broken little pieces around when she left,

it would be a wonder if i actually feel whole.

the difference then and now is hardly visible.

and i wonder if i ever walked out of it.

i'm only human,

i tend to compare.

i know deep inside that if sparky were to leave me one day,

i wouldn't be as upset,

i wouldn't go into a state of depression for whoever knows how long.

i love sparky all the same,

i would miss her too,

but it's different.

blackie was so young.

the words that my dad said then just replayed in my head,

over and over again.

up till today,

the memory of my dad saying that sentence still comes back to me like he had just said it moments ago.

i woke up at the time she left,

for the first time in my 17 years then,

i woke up in the middle of the night.

maybe there were other times,

but it was because of nightmares,

but i clearly remembered that morning.

i woke up for no reason.

i should have woken up then,

but i went back to sleep because it was still dark outside.

but time is not for us to turn back,

and yesterday is something that is gone forever.

everybody wants the rainbow,

but you do need a little rain to see one rainbow.

and maybe when i finish the 'book of tomorrow',

i can finally embrace my future.